Remember when I said I would never let myself get bad again, well I've done a really good job with it, but I also said I sometimes get sad. I know I won't spiral down like how I was, but it still sucks. Hyuk has really helped me as well, I to him too. I remember sitting on his balcony one night. We had just go done eating some food my mother had sent me when I visited her. We were having one of those late night deep talks we normally have. Its out routine, sometimes I stay the night sometimes I don't. But tonight, I remember him saying things that will always stick with me.
"Duck, aren't you scared that one day you'll make it, and it won't be as magnificent as you think?" I ask leaning back on the wall as we both sit on the ground looking up at the stars.
Hyuk sighs, also leaning back on the wall, our shoulders now touching
"No... Because I already know what to expect. " he replies
I turn to look at him, waiting for him to continue
"Everybody wants to rule the world, they want to be a king. Because whenever they think of being a king they think of gold, diamonds, and everyone bowing down to them. They think everybody is willing to put their life on the line for them. Yeah its true, gold and diamonds, and people willing to die for you are out there. But a true king is needs to be willing to share his gold and diamonds with his people. A true king also fights on the front lines with his soldiers, to save his people. Going through what they go through. Putting his life on the line with the people putting THEIR life on the line for him. A lot of people know this as well. But what they don't know is the kings guilt. Whenever he gets back to his kingdom, makes it to his too silent room, sits down on his too comfortable bed, he starts thinking. He starts thinking about all of the people who died in the battlefield in the battle he enforced. He thinks about their family waiting for them to get back home, waiting for them to walk through the door of their house they spent their whole life building for their family. But they won't. Because of the sacrifices they've made. The sacrifices they made so the kingdom I decided to make won't crumble down on me." Duck finishes the whole time he was looking up at the stars.
I didn't know what to say to this, so I just put my head on his shoulder
"If you know the fate of making it then why aim so high?" I ask, about five minutes after his confession.
"Because I have a voice, I have been through things a lot of people have been through. Some are struggling and need something to let them know they are not alone. That if I made it, they can too. If I can prevent someones kingdom from caving in, why not" he informs me
We look up at the stars.
"When you look at the stars, what do you think of." Hyuk asks me after a few moments
" I see life. Everything that was important in your life, big or small, alive or inanimate, is documented in the night sky. Some not as bright as the others, but its still there." I reply
Hyuk doesn't respond to me
After sitting out for a few more minutes we decided to go back inside.
"What would you do if a star was added to my night sky?" Hyuk breaks the silence asking quietly
"I'd say I hope it's a bright one." I smile at him
"It's the brightest I've seen so far." He smiles at the ground. Then looks up at me
"I got a call from overseas." he says seriously
"Really! Duck that's amazing! What was it about?" I ask excitedly
"It was just a producer, he heard some of my music and was interested. Nothing set in stone, just wanted to tell you." he reveals his tone nonchalant
"Duck that's still huge, it's one more step closer to your dream!" I say still excited
He looks like he wants to say something else, but instead says "Yeah.. Are you staying the night again or.."
I look at him pondering if I should prompt him to say what he was going to say. Instead I say " Yeah, let me go get clothes and feed Bean. Movie night?"
He just nods his head.
When I get back he's sitting on the couch, Netflix already pulled up. But instead of him browsing through like he normally does he's just sitting there. Just staring at the screen, lost in thought.
I swing around the couch sitting down next to him. He still doesn't snap out of it.
I nudge his knee with my knee. " You okay Duck?" I ask concerned
He snaps out of it and looks at me. "Yeah, why? You good?" he says handing me the remote to pick a movie. He never does that, he normally forces me to watch what he wants to watch. Somethings up.
"Duck don't lie to me, somethings up, you never give me free reign of the sacred remote." I say in a jokingly manner so nothing goes bad.
"It's nothing, and I just was tired of my movies so why not watch something you like." he states.
I know he's lying. He's a really bad liar.
I end up putting on Spiderman
Half way through the movie I realize Duck is not even paying attention to the movie, he is once again lost in thought. I finally get tired of holding it in. I grab the remote and pause the movie. He doesn't even realize I've paused the movie cause he's still staring at it.
"Okay, something is up, Peter said something I know you would have normally laughed at and you didn't even crack a smile." I say
Hyuk snaps out of it, but continues looking at the screen. "It's nothing, put the movie back on." he says blankly
"Hyuk." I've never said his name, only his nickname, so at this he looks at me
"Look I clearly don't want to talk about it so just put the movie back on." He snaps
I look at him. After all of these weeks we've spent together, yeah we've argued but he's never snapped at me like that, if anything he tries to avoid conflict
"Well if you so clearly wanted to avoid the subject you wouldn't have asked or brought it up earlier." I match my tone with his
"I don't know why you're getting so worked up over something that's not even your business." He scoots to the edge of the sofa as if he's going to bolt any second
"It is my business since you asked me. You're also my friend, so if I can lessen your burdens by listening then I want to listen." I ask now standing up
"How could you lessen my burdens if you're one of them?" he asks. After saying that he immediately stands up "Wait, I didn't mean it like that.." he says hurriedly, he starts reaching out to grab my hand
"What the hell does that mean?" I question, yanking my hand back before you he touch it.
"No its just..." He tries, but after a moment of thinking he doesn't say anything
"Wow. Thanks Hyuk." I say turning and going to the door, bending down to get my shoes
"No wait, please." he pleads
I ignore him. Getting my shoes and storming out of his apartment, slamming my door on him before he can come into my apartment. How can he say im one of his burdens when all I've done was help him? I throw my shoes on the ground, stomping my way to the couch and flopping down on it. I listen to him and make him laugh, I didn't do anything. I pause my thinking. Maybe that's it. Maybe im not doing enough for him. What if he thinks im just using him? What if im dead weight.
I stay up the whole night staring at my blank tv. I hear Hyuks knocking and pleading fade away until he retreats back to his apartment. I soon hear the birds waking up. The sun painting my room a rich orange color.
Oh no. here we go again.
YOU ARE READING
Letters To Midnight
RomansA Kwon Hyuk AKA Dean story where he lives next to you in an apartment and you first meet him through a conversation through a wall? weird, but not as weird as his love for cheese balls and his dream. Note: All songs or works mentioned are not mine a...
