Heart warming romance for Aces

X (part one) he/him Crying

(WARNING: contains the emoions of dispaire, depresion, self loathing/doubt, negative emotions)

Its close to 1 am... it feels like you've been up for a century now... you are sleepy, and so tired but cant seem to fall asleep, the toughts, again are keeping you up. These useless and worthless toughts that taunt your mind and dosent let you rest, again. You roll from side to side with the feeling in your head like it would be filled with thoudsand voices making you feel bad for everything you have ever done, everthing that has ever happened, blamin you again, for everything you have done wrong, reminding you again and again all of your mistakes, trowing you swirling down the tunnel of self hatred and depresion like a slowly floating feather into the abyss. You cant take it anymore. As tears push their way trough out of your eyes you find yourself siting in you bed pillow against your face,sniffing and crying.  You hate this, you cant stand this. Getting more and more paranoid of the time you spend on crying you check your clock every now and then, counting down the minutes you have left of sleep you are wasting right now. You cant.. you will feel terrible in the morning if you wont go to sleep now, you will look terrible. You remind yourself.  You cant.. sniffing, with the feeling of giving up and staying up all night with the toughts, you reach for your phone barrely able to reach it on your nightstand in the pitch darkness. Your eyes are pierced with light as you unlock the screen but it dosent hurt cause of the tears wetting and almoust completl blurring your view. Tears runing and wettening your pillown to your chest you manage to type something, with the keyboard of phone almoust being unregognizable cause of the blur of tears. Only by remebering the letter positions unconsciously you type X.
Hes the only one that can help... its selfish to use him as escape goat for me not being able to finnaly get myself together and do something.. but... right now... i, i cant think straight.. without hesitation you press the button send in your phone, even second later forgeting what you have typed. You put your phone aside. Scren down the light from screen disapiers after a while. You are in darkness again. Weeping to your own pillow pressed agaisnt your face begging for the toughts to stop... you cant... you faze out. You wouldnt call that sleep, its not like you can get any rest after crying for hours and afterwards having nightmares.
You get lightly waken up by a shoulder shrug. You feel terrified. Lying in cold sweat you are curled in bed as an hand wakes you up from the terefying feeling you just left without remebering anything of it.
You know the hand.
It had waken you up dozen of times, freeing you from terrible times.
Warm against your shoulder it slowly drifts away as He had noticed you are awake.
He carefully pulls you up sitting, placing himself next to you in bed, siting on the edge of bed.
" what happened?" He wispers trying not to scare you out of you already terefied heartthumping from the nightmare.
"You sent me messige that made me think a robbes had come to take your dog."
He always made jokes. They never helped. But he always did.
You pulled your knees to yours elf siting in bed,still grabbing onto the pillow.
"Want to tell me?"
You shook your head.
" okay.."  You felt like a child. You wanted to scream at yourself to stop worrying him and finnaly do something,but you couldnt. You felt like chained into your own body that disagreed any movement.
He leaned foward, to the foot of the bed and reached for the spare blanket you always kept on your bed.
He had helpef you so many times. You felt so bad that you are making him do this, or are you? What have you done to him?? You checked the time. Its 3 am and he came to you not giving a damm about his own sleep scedule. You felt bad.
With you barrely moving he swapt the ,now,wet and cold from sweat,blanket you had to the one at the foot of your bed. Slowly grabing the pillow you were grasping he pulled it away and trew it to the foot of the bed. In exhange he handed you your water bottle from the nightstand. He was right. From all the crying you were dehydrated as a leaf in fall.
After screwing the cap back closed you slowly tryed reaching and puttin the bottle back as he took the bottle and put it on the nightstand for you.
"Stay with you orr?"
You didnt answer.
This had happened so many times that he knew silence was beg for agreement.
He picked up the blanket just enough for you to slowly lay back down on the bed,curling under the blanket. He wraped you in the blanket like a little kid, took off his shoes and layed next to you, enough for you to move but enough for him to place his arms around you.
It, felt good. The warmth on your back and arms hugging you as you heard onother person breathe behind you, slowly, made the toughts go away. He even smelled like a recently taken shower with the side of fresh air from oursides cold night.
" its okay" a silent sleepy wispers echoed in your head from behind. Your toughts stopped rushing as your mind enjoyed being saved by a warm embrace. The pulse of not your own sounded like a lullaby assuring you of protection. Feeling the beating on the skin of the veins from a warm body. This wasnt love. This was something more., it felt. This is the trust and care of other..
You dozed off in sleep with Him hugging you from behind. Warm, soft and cosy.
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Aaaand now im off to sleep, its 1 am 😂 gn