Tell Me What To Do

Chapter 2

Michael was led into the maternity ward of the hospital, feeling dazed. He had just lost the love of his life, after he had treated her so terribly. He felt like his whole world was crumbling down around him. And now, he was expeced to look after a child. A child he wasn't sure he was even ready for. God, I need Gracie right now, he thought to himself. He followed the doctor to the place where they kept all the newborn babies. What is this place called? He thought to himself. The doctor told him to wait at the door while he went to fetch the baby. Michael stood, leaning against the door and tugging at his hair. 

"God, I'm not ready for this." He sighed to himself.

"Mr Clifford?" He heard the doctor say. Michael looked up slowly to see the doctor craddling a small, moving bundle in his arms. Michael just stared, taking deep, long breaths.

"Would you like to hold him?"

Michael just stared, "I- I don't know. I don't want to hurt him..."

The doctor chuckled, "Parenting will come naturally Sir, Don't worry about a thing." 

As the doctor walked towards him, Michael started to shake. "No, I can't." He said as he turned and walked down the hall to where Gracie's room was. He found Luke waiting for him there.

"Well?" 

"I can't do it. I don't know what the hell I'm doing. That child belongs with his grandmother."

"Michael-" Luke started.

"No mate. I feel like I'm about to crash and burn. I'm in shock over what's happened and I know as soon as this shock wares off, I'm going to be a wreck. I won't even be able to look after myself let alone a new born. I can't do it, Luke. I just can't."

Feeling like he was going to explode he turned around a threw a punch at the wall. Several punches followed until he could no longer feel the pain.

"Michael! What are you doing?" He heard a woman's voice behind him and, shaking, he turned to see Gracie's mother. Her eyes were swollen and red. Her hair was a mess and she looked concerned. He always thought that Gracie looked exactly like her mother and now, looking at her, it hurt him to see the resemblance.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Michael said, tears escaping his eyes. "It's all my fault and-"

"Shhh." She walked towards him and buried him in her arms. "I love her. And I know she loved you. She's in a better place now."

Michael leaned away from her and rubbed his face. "I can't take care of him. I don't know what to do without her, Pam. I- I just..."

"Gracie would want you to love that boy. He's your flesh and blood and he needs you." She said sternly, her penetrating gaze never wavering.

Michael looked up at her. He nodded as tears fell down his cheeks. 

"You're right."

*****

"Here's your son Mr. Clifford." The doctor said, smiling as he handed Michael the squirming child. 

Michael took the baby in his arms and let out a deep breath. Just look at him, He thought to himself. He felt the eyes of his friends and family on him as they stood behind him, taking in the moment. 

Michael looked down and his breath caught in his throat and he found himself unable to breathe. He looked like his mother. The face shape, the nose and probably the eyes as well. Except for the lips, he had Michael's lips. Something about looking at his baby made him feel hopeless and already a bad father. Turning around slowly, he let out a sob and handed the child to his grandmother, who looked down lovingly at him. 

"He's beautiful." She said.

"Yeah." Was all he could manage to say. 

Something caught his eye at the end of the passage. "Erm, I need to go to the bathroom. Is he okay with you for now?" 

"Sure hun."

Michael walked down the passage, glancing back to make sure no one was watching him as he picked up the pamphlet. 

ADOPTION: DO NOT BE ASHAMED TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT FOR YOUR CHILD.

Michael let out a sigh as he grabbed the piece of paper and shoved it in his pocket.