Reid x Derek (Criminal Minds)

Chapter 5

Sorry I haven't been writing as much, but I've had testing and signing up for online school next year. I'll try to update more and sorry about the wait.
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Derek POV
I am sitting in the hospital waiting room, lights beaming in my eyes causing a headache. Prentiss puts her arm on my back, comforting me, but I stand up. "I'm going to get coffee, I'll be back in a bit." I try to state calming, but my voice shaking, more tears starting to form in my eyes as I blink them away. Hotch stands up and follows me, so I just walk faster, not wanting to talk. "Derek. I don't know what you saw, but I know what it feels like to see a loved one suffering and not be able to help. Reid's going to be ok, but are you?" Hotch asked, stopping in his tracks as he finishes his question. "Not until he is. And then, every day of my life, I will be worried he will try again and succeed. I have this thought in my head saying if I had been there, I could have stopped it. That its all my fault and he obviously doesn't love me as much as I love him or he wouldn't have done it. And I know that's not true, but when that voice in your head says that it is over and over again, you start to believe it. He was suffering so much that he decided to try and take his own life and leave everyone behind. That voice in my head tells me over and over that I'm the reason, that none of this would have happened if I hadn't existed, if I stayed there, if I did this or if I did that." I respond, falling to my knees and tears flowing down my face. Hotch walks over and places his hand on my back. I stand up and he embraces me in a hug, which he never does. I am shocked, but just hug back, tears still flowing. "Come on, let's go somewhere private, and not in the middle of a hallway." He says sighing, tears in his eyes.
Reid POV
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I see my mom in the distance, smiling. I walk up to her and hug her. "Mom? What are you doing here?" I ask. "Spencer? Why are you here? I'm dead, but you aren't, are you?" She asks worry and sorrow in her voice. The memories flood back to me and whisper "yes." She looks so disappointed, and immediately regret everything. "How did it happen?" She asked quietly. "I killed myself." I told her, heavy regret in my voice. "Oh Spencer, its not your time. Fight this. I will see you when you die of natural causes, and not until then."
Derek POV
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We walk into the empty church part of the hospital and sit down at the front. "I need to be there when the doctor comes out from surgery. I need to, Hotch." I say standing up and freaking out. "Derek, sit down. Prentiss and the others are there, calm down." He said lightly grabbing my shoulder. "No Hotch you don't understand I need to go, I need to be there when the doctor comes. Hotch I need to be there and you're keeping me from being there, what if he doesn't make it and I'm not there for the doctor to tell? What if he wakes up and needs to see someone and I'm not there to comfort him? What if-" Hotch cuts me off "Ok, we can go back, but we will talk when we get back to Quantico." He says, standing up and walking off. I follow in his tracks, but quickly pass him and get to the waiting room quickly. Prentiss and Rossi look up, worried, but I ignore it. I see the doctor walking towards us and I stand up. "He lost a lot of blood, but he will make a full recovery with time." I let out a sigh of relief. "He is asleep right now, but you can go and see him, if you want." Seaver started walking, but Prentiss put her hand on her shoulder, as I started walking. I walked to the room where Reid's eyes were closed and his arms bandaged. I walked over to him as he opened his eyes. "Derek?" He said weakly. "Yeah I'm right here, pretty boy." He smiled weakly, "I'm so so so sorry, Derek, I love you and I promise I won't try and leave you ever again." He said, grabbing my hand and wincing at the pain in his arm. "Hey take it slow. All I want right now is to get you back to full health." I say smiling lightly at the beautiful man laying in front of me.
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Again, I'm going to try and write more and more frequently, but I'm a very busy person. Anyways, I hope you enjoy and I'm going to try and make it much happier in the next couple chapters because this is emotionally and physically draining for me to write such dark, sad things. Thanks for all the support and if you have any recommendations, you can message me them.