Optimistically Cynical: A Short Story Compilation- 1

MEMORY

I feel as though I've been away for a long time. Yet, here I am in a time that was once my own and now belongs to yesterday. How I came to be here is beyond my comprehension. All I know is that I am here.

The sight of old friends long since passed in their radiant youth, drives me to tears. They can't understand why and in lieu of any rational explanation they simply humor me. It is an action meant to bring me back to my senses, but since I am not who I was then, it only serves to frustrate.

I am desperate to speak, to converse with them, but still they elude me with disarming remarks. At last my patience has come to an end and in my desperation I shout. I shout so loud that even those surrounding us cease their own prattle and listen.

My eyes are wide and my face awash. It is now that they pay attention and beg me to speak what is on my mind. I am at a loss. How could I possibly describe and explain the feelings that are within me, built up from all the years of lonely memory?

I'm frantic to begin this conversation, but now that I have the floor, I simply don't know where to begin. As such, I swallow hard and stammer, before falling silent.

The noise resumes around us and my party pretends to return to their own, but the conversation is shaky and they steal glances of me when they think it necessary, which is quite often.

The air seems stifling and I wriggle about in my seat. My clothes seem to tighten, especially the collar which I loosen, slightly.

I'm lost, drowning in a memory I feared would end before I could even begin to enjoy it. And it was this fear that crippled me. Their smiles seem to taunt me and I hold in frozen horror.

This moment belongs to me, but not the me I am now, rather the me that I used to be. I berated myself for such infantile behavior and remind myself that these were the happy, carefree days. Days free of brooding and misery, but here am I the very manifestation of what is not desired.

So I sit and smile, torn between the misery I feel and the happiness I'm meant to.