Marvin's Room

Do better blues part too

Remember when everybody was going to Marvins Room?
He threw that party yeah remember that party
It was my first time doing things I never imagined
We went to Marvins room had a couple of drinks
We went to his room made a couple of mistakes
that was my first time trying cococaine
It was the same night that I went insane
In his room, you can do whatever
In his room, you can feel whatever
I want that same stuff that I was on before
I woke up feeling very insecure. 
Three blunts rolled up Henny in my cup
I never really gave it up
I need you right now
I'll do, I'll do whatever
Because without you I cannot do better 
I'm only better with you

The story

I was all by myself. Doing some self-reflection. Three years have gone by. And here I was all alone. This isn't what life was supposed to be like for me.

I can only blame myself. I did some stupid stuff. Some messed up stuff to the one I loved. Here I was making him make promises to me but I couldn't keep my own. I didn't deserve him. I didn't deserve his love.

Man, that stupid party. I can't blame the party I can only blame myself.

I've been on an emotional roller coaster. Fighting myself. Holding these tears back. I'm just sick of crying. He's not coming back.

Three years ago

"Lexi I really don't want to go. I'm not a party type of person." "Come on Rhyon there is nothing wrong with having a little fun." "I don't mind fun it's the partying that I don't like."

I have never been a party type of person. The people that go were never my type of vibe. Besides I never use to get invited to them growing up. I just became accustomed to not going. I got used to the idea of staying at home alone.

"I think August and I have plans anyway." "Yeah, right you are just trying to to get out of this. I'm sure August is already going."

"I'm not trying to get out of anything. And how would you know?" "You and August are two polar opposite. I don't see how you two are together."

"What is that supposed to mean," I said growing at her. We were perfect for each other. Besides opposite attract. So they say.

"I mean he's always out partying and you never want to go anywhere. Shoot I've ever seen him drinking and smiling a few times. You are kind if goody."

"Well, he likes my goody self." "That I can concur. You should see how he curves chicks that come up to him." "As he should."

"As who should," August said walking in. He came over to me giving me a kiss.

"None yea nobody was talking to you." "Man, whatever." He said pushing Lexi a little.

I was glad that Lexi and August got along so well. They were like brother and sister. It really helped our relationship grow. Who wants to be in a relationship when your boyfriend and friend don't get along.

"We were just talking about hitting up this party." Lexi continues the conversation.

"Party? My baby doesn't party." "Well, she is tonight. Ain't that right Rhy?" "I never agreed."

The party

I was listening to what Lexi had told me. I was trying to loosen up and have fun. Since I was here with August the party shouldn't be too bad.

"You good baby?" "Yeah, I'm fine." "Alright, I'll be right back." "Okay." "You sure you will be fine." "Yes, I'm fine to go."

He walked off with a few of his friends. Leaving me standing here alone. I didn't mind though. I headed to the kitchen to get myself something to drink.

I haven't seen Lexi or August in a while. I was standing on a wall by myself until some guy walked over to me.

"Hey, beautiful." I'm not really a conversation type of person. Plus I can tell that he wants this to lead to something else.

"I'm sorry but I'm taken." "He must be one lucky guy." He said walking off.

That was odd. Normally when you let a guy know that you aren't interested he keeps on trying to pursue you. I searched through the crowd trying to see if I see a familiar face. Not having any luck I decided to head outside.  The house was hot and foggy The cool air on my skin was a nice change.

I saw one of August friends with a group of guys. Hoping that Agugust was part of that group. Just my luck he wasn't there. I tapped on the guy's shoulder. "Um excuse me have you see August?" "Naw I haven't seen him. Maybe he went upstairs." I could tell he was trying to be funny.  "Yeah, thanks." 

I made my way back inside. I feel like this place is more packed than it was before I went outside. As I tried to make it through the crowd I bumped into a few people. "Excuse me," I said and I felt my drink spill. "Oh shoot.  I'm sorry." "It's okay." It was the same guy from earlier. I moved around him still looking for Lexi or August. 

Later on, things started to become a little foggy.  At this point, I wanted to leave. I just couldn't get up. I started to see a familiar face in the crowd.

"August." I could hear myself trying to say. He came closer but he didn't look like August. "August," I called again. "Yeah." He didn't sound like August. But now it sort of looks like August. Hold up its only June. I started laughing to myself. Whatever was in my cup is kicking in.

I felt myself being pulled up by my arm. "Come on baby I have something for you," He said. Not being able to control my movement I followed him. We went back into this room. It was full of other people.

There were a few people on the floor doing something that I couldn't make out. I saw a few people kissing in the corner. He dragged me over to a table just sitting up off the floor. We sat down by it. There was white stuff all over the table. I'm not too sure what happened next.

I woke up in a bed that I didn't recognize naked and afraid. I've never done anything like this before. The sad thing is I don't even really know what happened. August was all I thought about. 

The phone call

After being sent to voice mail 100 times he finally answered.

"What do you want Rhyon?" "I need you to listen to me. Can you please just listen." He let out a sign. "Go ahead." "I know I can never fully apologize for what happened. Back then I didn't know but I know for sure that I still love you. I miss you." 

He didn't say anything. All I heard shuffling in the background. "August." "What do you want me to say? What am I supposed to say to that huh Rhyon." "But I'm sorry and if you love me. If you still love me." "That's the thing I don't." 

"Whatever I have to do to make things better I'll do it, I'll do it." "Rhyon." "Man, I've been sitting here going crazy. Thinking about the baby that we almost had. I can't move and I'm only kidding myself to think that I can without you. I can only do better with you. I on;y want to do better with you. 

"That night I think that something was slipped in my drink. That was the first night that I tried cocaine. I've been drinking I've been smoking way too often and I need you right now. I need you now." "I'm sorry." He hung up. 

It's been two months and I'm scared because I'm late. I stand still while looking at the test results.