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by hopebagel_exe

by hopebagel_exe

Hi so this book is mainly going to be about a few things.
1. Depression! And how to deal with it
2. Homosexual stuff
3. Other actual books (not on wattpad, irl) to help with depression and that sort of shit.

So yeah. My life is pretty fucked up. My grandma tells me stories anout when I was a baby. Sounds ok right? Its not. She tells me about how my grandpa used to hate me and how "innocent" I was. Truth be told, Im not innocent. I've done a lot of unforgivable things in my past 11 and 3 quarter years. For example:
1. Forging my dad's signature. (Dont get me started on that)
2. Lying. Lying is something I do often
3. Thinking about suicide at 9 years old.

Pretty messed up right? Thats my life in a nutshell. Thinking about suicide, bad grades, so on so forth. The main reason I made this book out of the blue is because I woke up at 6 AM and realized, I want to help people with their depression. Now, there are a few books I'd like to recommend that helped me with my depression. Like, a few of these books actually helped me. And when I say helped me, I mean stopped me from committing suicide.

1. Let's Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson. Recommended if you suffer from depression or just want to laugh at something.

2. Furiously Happy by Jenny Lawson. The book after Let's Pretend This Never Happened.

3. The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. It's a book about cancer, and when you read it, it just makes you want to sob your eyes out. Heck, this book actually made me cry.

4. Ah, the last one (for now). An Abundance of Katherines by John Green. Only one thing to say about it. Its a great book, and really funny.

So yeah these books had a huge impact on my life and helped me drag through my depression like, Fuck you depression. I really hated my past 2 years of depression, and when I look back, I feel as though I've grown a lot. Although depression drags its victims down to the bottom of an ocean of sorrow, it helps you grow. A lot. And I really mean it. I've been through a lot of traumatizing things, but after depression? They didn't seem too bad. Still bad though. Like the one time my grandpa decapitated my chicken. I am traumatized for life because of that. My chicken's name was Shidee. She had pretty brown feathers and the cutest little yellow beak. She'd lay us an egg every day, and a few of them hatched into chicks. Oh jeez, I got distracted by Shidee. Back to the book.

TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES

Ok, we're back to talk about more crap. So I am homosexual irl, and boys at my school make fun of me for that. Also other homosexual people in my class are pretty_pisces and angies_sinner and having them helps a lot. But sometimes, I want to murder them (the boys, not my friends). #YandereOnTheLooseAndInWattpad. Anyways, now I know why I feel strongly about that. So my grandma told me a story. She had 3 kids then. My mom was the oldest, she went to school. My uncle was 4, and my aunt was 3. So my Grandpa's sister let my uncle go to the butchery. He saw my grandpa kill a goat, and when he came back home, he legit did this:

1. He tied a rope around my aunt's feet.
2. Got a knife and tried to chop her feet off.

Crazy, right? So I feel like that's why I want to murder people a lot. Anyways thats besides the point. I always wondered, Why am I always the one to suffer depression? But when I read Jenny Lawson's books, I realized it wasn't only me. I realized that I could make the best out of depression. And that I did. My depression hasn't gone away completely, I know. It's still a cold stone at the bottom of my stomach. But when I made the best out of it, it wasn't so bad. (A/N really quick: Im using references from Furiously Happy) The ocean of depression is vast, and every day it could swallow up another victim. Ever since I broke free of the worst depression, I wanted to help others break free too. Also really quick: if you aren't a Trump supporter, drop a vote and comment! Anyways. So I'm going to move on to my next topic: homosexuality. There's nothing wrong with being homosexual. It's just different. Like me. So, I, as an Iranian girl, go to a Cahtolic School. And a lot of people there hate me, I know. I'm different. Last year, after a play, my religion got insulted by two of the boys who shall remain unnamed. When my teacher found out, she immediately called the principal. When the principal came up, she chewed the boys out for a solid twenty minutes. Then she pulled me aside from everyone else. Remember, I didn't know what happened then, so I thought I was in trouble. When the principal realized I didn't know, she told me everything. Right there on the spot, I wanted to pull out a pen and stab myself. I didn't show it. I'm used to keeping stern faces. But it didn't stop there. The principal told me about how she loved having me in her school, that I was a teasure to the school. Let me tell you, I was SHOOK. I didn't know what to say. And it didn't stop there. She kept ranting about how great I was. I stood there, trying to absorb it all. I was seriously shook, guys. That was a day I never forgot, the best day of my life. Just standing there, I realized: not everyone hates me. There are some who are ok with me. And I was right. After that year, 4 transfers came in. Caroline Song, Feiya Wang, Ethan Tian, and Madeline Eason. Caroline and Feiya are my 2 best friends. Feiya is really innocent, honestly, she doesn't even know the other meaning of fuck!! And Caroline, she's the one who helped me through my depression. She's the one who loaned me Let's Pretend This Never Happened and Furiously Happy, having suffered depression herself. And then I realized, I didn't think about suicide for almost a whole school year when I hung out with them. So dear Reader, sometimes to help depression, all you need is a friend. That's it. It was that simple. And no, my depression hasn't completely faded, but it's starting to ebb away.
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So guys, hope it was okay! Let me know down in the comments. But if you want private help, just pm me! I'll be glad to help.
~Kyoko
Word count:1147