Truth Untold.

2

The ache in my chest only grew as I neared the airport, and as I pulled into the parking lot that ache was all consuming. Every part of me was heavy, limp with guilt, grief and heartbreak. 'I couldn't stay there.' I told myself repeatedly to soothe the burn that came with the dismissal of my family at such a tragic time. I wanted to be alone, I loved my father so much, and despite the anger I held against my mother I loved her too, but without Luke there was nothing there for me anymore. He was the reason I kept fighting for what I believed in, he was the one that told me I was capable of so much more and to chase my dreams. He was the reason I was sat in the parking lot of the airport contemplating my impulsive move to New York. Yes I was doing it for myself, selfishly so seen as it took my brother's death to give me the push I needed, but I was doing it for him. He had big hopes for me, and I was going to to do all I could fathom to fulfill the hopes he had, because he wasn't here to do that himself anymore.

It was a long wait until I could bring myself to open the car door and step out onto the concrete ground. My feet were heavy, shuffling across the concrete, as if trying to stop my movements altogether. They knew I shouldn't leave. Hell, I knew I shouldn't leave, but Luke would have wanted me to leave. Every time his name came into my mind it would feel like a punch in the stomach, but I held it together as much as I could, if I broke down now I'd turn around and go back to the strong arms that my dad would hold me in, and the shrill voice of my mother that would pester and complain, and that empty chair that would stare at me from the opposite side of the table. That wasn't an option.

Bag in hand, I was greeted at a desk by a blonde girl with red lipstick that stained her teeth, as revealed when she smiled. I'd usually laugh at her expense, but I hadn't the energy or will to even breathe, nevermind laugh.

"Can I help you?" She wouldn't stop smiling, and her voice was so high pitched, her red lipstick was so blindingly bright I actually felt my eyes squint.

"I need a ticket to New York." My request came out harsher than I intended and her eyebrow quirked up at me, as if asking what my problem was. "Please." I added with the first smile I could provide today, though it was only a slight upturn of my lip, softening the blow.

With that her red-stained teeth flashed once more. "Of course." She looked to her computer screen, "To JFK International..." She mumbled to herself clicking away. I picked at my nails whilst she found a ticket and swept my hair out of my face. It was so matted, I must look awful. I could feel the lack of colour in my cheeks and the puffiness of my eyes. It matched how I felt.

"Yes, there's a seat for you in second class, is that alright?"

"Yeah."

"Perfect, that'll be $248 please." Her eyes scanned my face and I saw her almost cringe in disapproval. Bitch.

"Okay." I pulled out my purse and suddenly remembered the lack of cash I had in the bank, though there was enough to pay for my plane ticket, there wasn't nearly enough to support accomodation, never mind to feed myself, when I arrived in New York. You'll find a way, don't turn back now. I put my card in the reader, entered my pin, and a ticket was placed in my hand. Soon enough I was heading towards Gate 12. My flight wasn't until 5am and it was only 3am now. My stomach rumbled when I passed a Burger King, and I realised I'd had nothing to eat today, there was just no time for it and certainly no appetite for it. Luke's haunted expression flashed in my mind again, and I fiercely blinked it away as tears welled in my eyes. Not here. There's no time for grief now. Suddenly I felt bile rising in the back of my throat and I ran into the nearest bathroom, which thankfully was only metres away. Stumbling into a stall, I threw up the lack of stomach content that there was. I cried as I had an internal battle with myself, one side of me arguing that I wasn't ready to leave home, I needed to be with my family, whilst the other side of me had her shield up screaming "Get out of here!" Over and over. She screamed those words until it was enough to pick me up from the cold, tile floor and push me out of the door.