Ever had that feeling that things are going in a slow motion,the world is passing you by and you, you're just standing still, letting the tide wash over, letting the wind whistle past your ears, and the water splash in your face.
It is a wonderful feeling, when you are in control of your life. Yet there are times when you feel that you're missing something, that you lack something that other people possess. What is that feeling? Is it love? Happiness? Joy?
You feel calm, but is that the calmness before a storm or is it the peace of understanding and acceptance which has formed in your mind. Its really tough to recognize the difference between both of them.
Waiting for something, don't even know what, eyes on the horizon, to catch that one moment, it will come soon, but no idea how soon, walking everyday to complete a journey to a destination unknown, yet going on, because that's what life is about,isn't it? Its really confusing a getting high without taking drugs, feeling so much but having no way to express it. To contain that world of thoughts, emotions, and feelings, to clamp it all inside, to hold it there, lest it spill and drown everyone around you in that flood.
Liberation is what I wish for, but I'm not sure if that is what I need. I've got a lot yet when the moment comes, I go blank as a white sheet of paper, the ink turns invisible and the the brain does not work. It is a sweet tragedy, it cuts on the inside, but it keeps me alive. To feel so much and let nothing out-it is a blessing and a curse and even though it is a burden, I would choose it every time over the contrasting ability to feel nothing all all.
The saddest part is that I don't even cry for it doesn't serve the purpose for me like it does for others. “Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while, so that we can see Life with a clearer view again.” Those tears don't work for me, don't lighten my heart, they just fall endlessly, pointlessly. Now I don't even bother letting them out, for they just waste my time and depress me further.
