Alexandra

Chapter Eleven

Although at first Alexandra and the others were to leave with Richard, he had vetoed the idea a few days beforehand, deciding that he ought to depart first so that he might inform his father of the situation and make whatever preparations that might be necessary for the others' arrival.

As the carriage bumped along the country road, Richard sighed and prepared himself for the long journey at hand, he recalled just how much he disliked carriages. He would have much preferred riding. Unfortunately, the trip was too long for him to be spending days upon days on a horse. It would have been both uncomfortable and remarkably exhausting.

In his mind, he went over the events of the last few days, ever since he had proposed to Alexandra. He hadn't been sure he was going to do it until five minutes before he had stepped into her parlour. It had been a fraught, anxious moment for him as, despite the somewhat composed exterior he had managed to portray, he had actually been terrified of her refusal. Her acceptance had not simply been desirable but essential. He had to do whatever he could to please his father before the awful, devastating, terrifying inevitable came to pass.

In his heart of hearts, however, he knew that his motives were not as selfless as they might have come across. Somewhere, deep inside, he had wanted Alexandra to say yes for himself, not for his father. It was not just that he wished for her support through the difficult time but, rather, the fact that there was one thing he had not yet come to terms with.

Since he was up for a long journey, he knew he might as well admit it to himself so that he might have some peace of mind.

He was quickly falling in love with Alexandra Whitlock. In the months that passed since he first met her, and from the time their friendship had first bloomed, he'd become progressively more and more fascinated by her. She was beautiful, graceful, kind, innocent and good. She was funny and she made him laugh more than anyone ever had. It was no wonder that he soon found himself searching for her every time he entered a room or staying long after he normally would at a ball simply to dance with her. He hadn't even bedded another lady since the day he first met Alexandra.

Annaliese was well aware of his feelings, and had guessed them soon enough. She'd called them a silly infatuation and, at the beginning, he hadn't wanted to love a woman like that so he'd been inclined to believe her. Now, however, he knew very well that this was much more than that, that it was something real and something different from anything he'd ever experienced before.

He was not sure what it was about Alexandra that made her seem so different to him. Whatever it was, he didn't mind it as much as he originally had. At first, he'd been aghast at changing from someone considered a rake to a man who wanted only one woman, but he'd long since accepted it and enjoyed it, even.

His father would be proud of him, he knew, and that only made it better.

He wondered whether his proposal really was entirely for his father's sake or more for his. Maybe a part of him desired to let Alexandra know more about him, far from the external hindrances of London society. Maybe a part of him desired for her to grow the same feelings for him that he had developed for her. It was a crude, selfish part if it existed and he was determined to quell it and push it aside if it ever reared its ugly head.

He knew many might presume that the only reason he wanted her was because she was the only one to ever reject him, because he wanted the chase, not what lay at the end of it. While he'd briefly entertained the thought, he knew it not to be true. He truly did care for her, and he wanted to possess her heart, not to throw aside but to cherish.

He would not, however, allow himself to woo her in such a way. He would be the same as he always was, not the charmer of women he was to some others. She thought of him as a friend, and she'd said as much very clearly. If she fell in love with him just as he was, then all would be well and good for them both but he was not going to make any additional attempts to flirt with or seduce her.