emerging - my journal

Authors Note

Apr 19, 2019 

I published a portion of my diary from here to Wattpad. Even though it didn't really make sense to publish it at the point where I started from there.

 I always enrvoisned writing a memoir with all my diary entries & explaining what's going on, as many of my entries are pretty vague, more about my emotions then explaining what's going on & how I got there, which I'm sure might be confusing. 

I also thought of using my entries so I could go back to all those times, going back through all the years, transferring my paper diary's to typed form, then pulling from there writing in a more eloquent, clear way.

But there's a part of me that decided to published it. Why? I guess because there's a part of me that just wants to get my story out there. That wants to get out the raw unedited emotion in it's original form. That just wants to put my story out there , see how it makes me feel to publish my entries, to see if it resonates. 

For now, I'll publish my entries as I go along, but I hope at some point to go back to my old entries & convert them from paper to digital so you can know my whole story, if people are receptive to it.

I feel like I tend to censor myself a bit when sharing my story, whenever I'm sharing my story, even now when I'm writing my entries but I'll try my best to push past that. 

I have a hard time opening up, breaking down my walls. In this way, I think I can get myself more used to it, learn that it's ok to be vulenarble. 

And if it can help even one person, that would mean the world to me. My story, my challenges can mean something, not just for me but maybe to others.

It's a heck of a story. It covers sensitive topics we don't like talking about. I live in constant pain, pretty much have  allergic reactions all the time. I've tried to commit sucide three times, watched someone I live do the same. I've had entire famlies of voices in my head. And a whole lot of other stuff. 

If any of these things trigger you, please be warned that my entries may contain references & detailed entries. 

If this helps you in any way, please let me know. It would mean the world to me.