Go Jane

#1 - Meet the Bitch

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To: Kaitlyn <Kaitlyn.Mosh@works.ca>

Fr: Jane <sexyandmodest@hotmail.com>

Re: The fuck?

Yo, Melissa is such a pussy. She told me she's like in love and shit. The fuck? We all know that gay shit doesn't exist. She almost made me vomit up a whole tub of Ben & Jerrys and that pissed me off. You know that shits like seven dollars a carton, right? Bullshit. Anyway, she told me she wants to marry Jason. MARRY. HIM. Is she out of her mind?

First off, they don't even live together. YOU NEED TO LIVE WITH SOMEONE BEFORE YOU MARRY THEM. What if he throws his dirty underwear all over the place? What if he doesn't do the dishes? What if he doesn't separate the whites from the darks? These are some serious deal breakers that she's isn't thinking about here.

Second off, she's never had sex with him. I know she has her whole "I must wait until marriage philosophy," but that is some serious horse shit. You got to try the jeans on before you buy em. You know what I'm saying? What if the mans got a micro-penis? That's a file for divorce right there!

Third off, she is not in love with him. I know that sounds like a ridiculous speculation but hell, she isn't! This is all about lust and the idea of marriage. Come on, they have only been dating for like three months. MARRIAGE? Woman get a grip. It's not like he's asked her or anything, but the fact that she's thinking about it scares me.

SHE IS NOT READY TO GET MARRIED.

What do you think?

I think she's not, so it doesn't matter what you think.

But, like, what do you think?

Jane

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To: Jane <sexyandmodest@hotmail.com>

Fr: Kaitlyn <Kaitlyn.Mosh@works.ca>

Re: The fuck?

Why do you care? I mean, I know she's your sister and all, but if she's happy then shouldn't you be happy for her?

Side note: Melissa is a pussy. Remember when we were in 9th grade and she wouldn't help us spray paint WHORE on Jordan Forbits's locker? Fucking pussy ass bitch.

Anyway, maybe you should just be happy for her. If she's so in love with the kid that she's thinking about marriage, then you should be all for it. I know your anti-marriage and pretty much anti-anything that has to do with being happy but hell, it's your sister here, you should at least try to crack a smile.

Melissa is probably the most boring human being to set foot on Earth (no offense) so if she found someone who loves her this is a once in a lifetime experience for her, so you should be happy. There's no way she would ever find another guy to fall in love with her. (I'm sorry she is just so incredible boring.)

Anyway, my point is to be happy for her and try to find the good in this.

P.S

Your hardcore anger makes me think you have a crush on the Jason kid. Do you? I mean, I know you never REALLY fall for any guy but it kind of seems like you're into this one. No? Am I wrong?

Kate

To: Kaitlyn <Kaitlyn.Mosh@works.ca>

Fr: Jane <sexyandmodest@hotmail.com>

Re: Re: The fuck?

Bitch no.

Jason's cool and hot and shit, sure. But no, I don't have a crush on him. "Crush"? What the fuck is wrong with you? This isn't grade six Kaitlyn. Let's be adults here. I'd fuck him if he wasn't my sister's boyfriend, sure. But no, I don't have some sick twisted desire for him.