Reviews 2.0

The Rise Of A Warrior (Riyamcyriac)

Reviewer: riyamcyriac

Author: Vaibhavwaves

Disclaimer: This review focuses on the story building aspects of writing, not the mechanics. That means the grammar portion of this review might not be in depth, but it will be made up for in the other parts.

COVER:

I think the cover could use some spicing up. In my opinion, the image in the midst of stark black makes it seem like an amateur book, which would turn away many readers. The font should also be larger and in more medieval font considering your story is high fantasy and deals with a warrior.

Title:

I think the title is pretty standard and leans toward generic, but it does peak some interest. Who is this warrior and how will they rise. As a lover of the fantasy genre, I am more than ready to read about the growth of a warrior.

Blurb:

The blurb needs some major work. If I were a typical reader, I would have looked at your cover and title and been satisfied with it, but the blurb is the final push to get the reader to click read. This blurb, being in all caps, made your writing style already come off as immature.

Blurb making is truly an art and takes a deep knowledge of your story and audience to master. The best way to create blurbs is delving into your story and differentiating the important exposition plot points. Think about what in your story is the most exciting, the inciting incident. What's a part where readers will crave to read? What characters will we be introduced to? Why should I pick up this book? It's your job to prove this to me.

Chapter Analysis:

Note that these are my comments as I read to give you more of a readers insight. Some things will be answered by myself. Since I want to stimulate how a reader would feel reading your book, please excuse spontaneous questions that you know will be answered later.

Chapter One:

The overwhelming grammatical and style mistakes in this chapter really muddled the meaning and purpose of it. It truly didn't make sense when combined with the multiple mistakes. In my opinion, you didn't relish the action and just raced past it, leaving the readers confused and behind. These initial chapters are meant to pull the reader in and have them trust you with your storytelling, but due to the rapid pace of this chapter, I couldn't form a connection with the lot, character, or writing style. This is where I'd usually click off and go read another book.

Chapter Two

The jump from this chapter from the last was jarring, and it left me more confused than I already was. You have to go back and establish a setting and a clear line of events. Possibly outlining the course of this story and understanding the knicks and knacks would clean it up a bit.

I have a strong opinion against cliffhanger endings that stop midsentence. It's too cheesy and childish, and it is sure to demote you from a mature writer down to middle-grade level. The best way to execute a cliffhanger is to have an action propel it. As an idea, I would have written more and then had a definite action to where I could cut the story off with. This creates suspense in the air.

The world building in this chapter was good, but more like an info dump. It was a lot of information just splattered onto the page. The best way to weave in worldbuilding is to insert bits and pieces subtly. You want your readers to discover your world slowly so they fall in love with every piece. When you hand every detail to them, it's too much for them to latch onto and leads to a disconnect between the story and the reader. It's also just boring.