Once Upon A Kellic

Chapter 13

Do I really want Justin or do I just want to get over Vic? Justin's a great guy but Vic. Vic was my favorite. He was the one that I went to. He was mine. But he's moved on now and there's nothing I can do about that. I would kill just to be back in Vic's arms even one last time. Just to hold him close. Just for him to be mine.

"Kellin?" Justin called me disrupting me from my thoughts.

"Do you wanna come with us, were gonna go hiking." I sighed before answering. "No thanks I'm gonna shower. I'll cook something up for you guys for when you come back." They all nodded their heads and walked out the door. Damn I miss Vic. Who's Jaime? What kind of name is Jaime anyways. He's probably just some loser. I want Vic. I guess it wouldn't hurt to call him right? I pulled out the small paper Vic gave me from my phone case and dialed the number. Two rings and a faint hello.

"Hello?" Hesitation. Kellin why the hell didn't you plan on what you were gonna say before calling? There was laughing before I heard someone shush the other.

"Vic. It's Kellin." The laughing stopped. No one said anything back and I was about to hang up when I heard a door close and Vic's soft voice.

"Kellin, hey is everything okay?" No. I'm not okay. Nothings okay. Nothing is ever going to be okay. Vic I need you.

"Yeah everything's fine I'm out in my sisters friends cabin. Were out of town right now." I lied. Although its what I do best anyways. It's the reason Vic and I couldn't be together. If I would've just told him from the beginning then we wouldn't have gotten attached.

Kellin. I need you. I know this sounds weird but its not the same with Jaime. Those were the only words I wanted to hear. But Vic didn't say that.

"I'm with Jaime so I have to go. I'll talk to you soon Kellin."

"Wait Vic." I really tried not to let that crack in my voice when I'm about to cry come out but it did.

"Vic, pick me. Choose me. Love me. I'll talk to you soon. Bye Vic." I hung up and tried to keep myself together. A nice shower should do. I was undressing myself and as I got to the last strip of clothing I looked in the mirror and looked at my scars. I let out the tears. Kellin your so weak. I bet you Vic doesn't do this. Kellin your so weak. So so weak. All you do is cry. No wonder you never sweat. All the sweats gone to your eyes from crying so much. Cry baby. Sissy. Just stop. Your so worthless. No Kellin no your not. I got in the shower and thought about Vic. What happened to forever? What happened to us against the world. I guess in the end no one ever gets a happy ending. Shit dinner. I forgot about the dinner. I finished up my shower and started putting together a small dinner. We were in the woods so it didn't need to be a fancy dinner. I cooked up some chicken and vegetables and finished just in time for everyone to come back.

"Hey Kellin it smells amazing."

"Yeah Kellin can't wait to grub. Thanks for this."

We sat at the table and everyone was enjoying their meals and telling incredible stories as to where I was picking at my food and listening to music while casually smiling so they think I'm paying attention to what their all saying.

"Right Kellin." My head shot up and Justin was stating at me clearly waiting for a response.

"I'm gonna get some air. Excuse me." I got up from the table and walked outside. I remembered Jenna mentioning a river or stream or something. I decided to walk around and look for it. What time is it?

'10:57' Already going to be eleven. I kept looking for the river until I found it. Beautiful. The way the moon light was while it glistened off the water. Kellin you sound like a girl. Who gives a fuck I'm gay I can be whatever the hell I want.

'3:46' what the hell. It's not really gonna be four? What no. No it can't be already. Holy fuck. I got up and started walking back to the cabin. Which way do I go? I looked in all directions with no sign of the cabin. I went back to where I was and decided I'll just go back when there was sunlight. What was I thinking of this whole time? I had a tune stuck in my head but no lyrics to fit it. I don't even know where this tune cane from it just happened. Then I remembered. The first night I ran to Vic's house after the visit with my uncle Vic sang me to sleep. With this tune. There were lyrics but I can't remember them. Then it hit me.

"last night I saw the moon divorce the sky is this what its like" Vic needs to just leave. He needs to leave my mind because I won't ever get over him if he doesn't. Will I ever get over Vic? Why did I have to be so stupid and jump out of a window? From a two story building. Really Kellin. Really? Your supposed to be smarter than that. Ugh you know what else needs to leave. These voices in my head. Your sleeping while I'm awake. Vic just lay me down and tell me everything will be alright. Things will be alright. I ended up falling asleep. Dreaming of Vic. He was with me. He chose me. He loved me. He picked me. This could mean everything or nothing at all.

'5:52' the sun slowly started rising and I could make out where the cabin was. It was kind of a far walk but I won't complain. I got to the cabin and everyone was asleep. Everyone except Jenna. I could hear her singing lightly to

'alone together' by fall out boy. I walked in and joined.

"I don't know where your going but do you got room for one more troubled soul?" She looked up and smiled.

"Hey kells where were you all night?" I didn't want to seem stupid and say I got lost so I cut that part.

"Oh I was at the river. Its beautiful."

"It is isn't it. Kellin. I have a question."

"What's up?"

"What's bothering you?" How do I answer that? Nothings okay. Nothings right. There's a million things to say.

"Just high school stuff. People are stupid and life sucks. You know?"

"Yeah I get you. But hey your on your way to college I mean sure its gonna be different going back to California after you've just settled in with Tay but your gonna make it."

"California? What are you talking about?" Just then Tay walked in with a death glare at Jenna.

"Were moving back to San Diego. I got a job offer. But you can still go to U of A. But your going back to your old school." I didn't know what to say. What to feel. Anxiety. Anger. Sadness. Guilt. Replacement. Betrayal. But why. I'm no mad at Tay. I don't feel anger towards her. Maybe for not telling me but I feel anger towards another human. Vic. How am I going to do this? I guess I could really use Austin right now.