Petal

Prologue - Ashes and Blood

Prologue

Some people say that a broken heart is very similar to the mourning process.

If you were to ask Sanem, she'd probably say it's a bit worse. When someone you love dies, you have no choice but to move on. They're gone and all that's left are memories and emptiness. You'll never see them again.

When your heart is broken, when you end a relationship still in love with the other person, besides all those feelings of mourning, you still carry the ghost of that terrible possibility, that you might see them again someday. A lot of times you have to watch while they move on without you. Or like Sanem, you have to see them everyday. You have to deal with the distance getting larger and larger as time passes, knowing that even though she loves Can more than ever, he'll never forgive her.

Sanem was stuck in a limbo, floating between two lives without being able to live either one.

The heart, the body, tend to adapt to suffering in order to protect itself from the source of the pain. Watching Can everyday was so hard, so emotionally tiring, that she felt herself turning into a completely different person.

Everyday she'd wake up and force herself to get up and begin her day. Her body was always heavy, a dullness in her brain. She would get so tired since Can had told her she was now just another one of his employees that even the tears had abandoned her.

Pretending she was ok, though, was the only option she had. Her family could never know how a big part of her had died on the day of her birthday. Walking around like a zumbi only made them ask a thousand questions and worried looks so she went that extra mile and made the effort to get up, get dressed, smile when she had to smile, talk when she had to talk and felt like she was hanging from a cliff by her fingertips.

Eating was as difficult as getting up these days. Everything she put in her mouth tasted like ashes and food became a paste that was hard to swallow. Each morsel she chewed brought back memories of all the meals she had shared with Can. Of laughter and moments that were so precious to her that if she ever knew they would be their last she'd have made sure they'd never end.

And like the heart and the body, the human brain protects itself the way it can to avoid the damage. With Sanem, her mind and body protection was to work.

To avoid any thoughts of Can and complete madness, Sanem threw herself head first into the only thing in her life that still brought her pleasure: her job. She'd come to the agency before anyone else and was always the last one out. She'd organize sheets and files, type and file all the company documents online. Ignored Can Divit as much as she could.

And while Sanam fought with her pain, Can fought with his anger.

Everything in his life had now a metallic, bloody taste. His vision was constantly tinted red, his body thrummed with a nervous energy he couldn't dispel. The constant need to punch something.

Sanem was his biggest dream and worst nightmare. He was always torn between the need to take care of her and hurt her as much as possible. Every time he saw her he'd promise he wouldn't say or do anything that would make those doe eyes of her dull with hurt but the moment she shifted those eyes at him, the bloody taste would surface and when he realized the promise was broken.

He didn't know what to do and how to act. This time, Can Divit had no idea how to take them out of the limbo.