Do You See Me? Jinff

Life In The Dark

Hi my name is Lia, I'm 16, and I suffer from Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Basically I have a disease that makes me believe I'm ugly.  I think my parents lied to me.  It's not because of this disease that I "think" I'm ugly, I know I am.  I've tried to kill myself many times.  I hated looking at my reflection and seeing such an ugly figure.  People say I over react but, if you looked like me, you'd be the same. 

I was in my room laying on my bed.  I looked around my room, I don't have mirrors because when I see one I smash it, and all the sharp objects have been taken out of room just be safe.  There's a mirror in my personal bathroom that my parents were trying to get rid of but they died before they could finish the job. Now a curtain covers the mirror just so I won't see it in the morning. As if I wasn't depressed enough, I lost my parents. And it's all my fault...

Ｆｌａｓｈｂａｃｋ

"This is the 5th time we had to bring her to the hospital this year! What are we going to do?" My mom said in tears.
"I don't know, the doctor won't prescribe her any medications for her disease" My dad said looking at me "it's getting more risky every day, if we have to keep giving her our blood we won't be here anymore"
I was laying in the hospital bed awake pretending to be asleep.  I felt bad, I'm such a disappointment to them, if I was never born they wouldn't be in this situation.
"Hello doctor" my mom said.
"Hello, she still hasn't woken up?"  The doctor said in a worried tone.
"Not yet" my dad said holding my hand.
"Doctor, is there a reason why you won't prescribe her something for her disease?"  My mom said, her voice cracking.
"I can't"
"Why not?? My daughter is depressed and wants to die everyday! Please help her!" My mom begged.
"I can't prescribe her anything because her body will become easily addicted. Instead of healing her, the medications will put her more at risk..."
It was silent. Only the sound of my mom's sobbing could be heard. I decided to "wake up".
"Hey there" the doctor said with a smile "ready to go home?"
"Already?" I asked confused.
"You've been asleep for a few days Lia" my dad said and squeezed my hand.
"Oh, alright then..."

I got discharged from the hospital after they did a few tests. I was sitting in the back seat of my parents car listening to music. I looked over at my dad and he looked really tired and he wasn't focusing. I didn't say anything because I thought my mom would snap him out of it but she didn't. She was unfocused too. I just waited until they got back to normal. I couldn't hear them because my music was at it's loudest but both of them seemed to be complaining about their heads. I was gonna ask them what was wrong but I saw a car coming at us at full speed.
"DAD LOOK OUT!"

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Everything went black.  The last thing I heard was the sounds of people screaming.  When I woke up I was back in the hospital.  I was so confused until I remembered what happened.
'Maybe they survived...'
I pressed the call button and a nurse came in.
"Can I help you?" She said with a smile.
"Do you know where Jeon y/d/n and Jeon y/m/n are?"
The smile on the nurse's face disappeared.
"Oh Lia... They... T-They didn't make it..."
"What?" I asked tearing up "no... You're lying! They're not gone!"
"I'm so sorry..."
"NO!" I started sobbing "I-it's all m-my fault!  I wish I just died already!!"
The nurse pulled me into a hug and said "everything will be alright".
But I know for a fact that things will never be "alright".
"What am I going to tell Jungkook?? I'm the reason our parents are gone. He'll never forgive me!" I said still crying.  That's all I could do.  Cry.

Ｐｒｅｓｅｎｔ

I got up from my bed and went to my bathroom. I pulled back the curtain to see the mirror.  I looked at my self. I had cuts on my wrists, stomach and legs.  I had scars on my neck because of two attempts of suicide.  I also had a bruise on the side of my face due to a fight I got into recently.  But aside from all of this, I see a girl who will never love herself.
"Lia! I made breakfast!" My brother Jungkook called at my door.
"Coming!" I said and walked out the bathroom.

I wish I new how to love myself...