1975

the hogwarts express

Remus traced his fingers along the deep, red cut that ran the length of his face. It's painful, crimson curve stretched from the upper-right corner of his forehead, along the bridge of his nose and down to where the left side of his jaw began. He stared into the tall, golden mirror in front of him and into the emerald green eyes that stared back at him - speckles of moonlight among the field of green. Remus could still taste the metallic tang of blood on his stained red tongue and his arms, that only yesterday had been raised in white scars running the length of them now wore nasty gashes where sharp, thick claws had dug deep into his flesh.

He suddenly became aware of the claw-footed bath that had filled until it was almost deep enough to cover his body. He picked up a crystal flask that contained a thin, whisky-coloured liquid and he unstoppered it, placing the carved glass stopper on the floor next to the light-grey, ceramic bathtub. He poured the potion into the water like a caramel coloured bubble bath and it swirled and mixed into the water turning it a shade of deep, dark green. The colour looked rather unpleasant, like the black lake however slightly more translucent. All the same, he was reluctant to get in.

"Have you put the essence of dittany in your bath yet Remy?"

"Yep." He called back slightly annoyed. His mother worried too much about him - he felt like a giant werewolf shaped burden on his parent laps, like he was destroying their lives and there was nothing left to do for them but leave their lives for good. Nothing he could do but allow them to finally be free of him. But he couldn't. The risk was too great. If he had hurt... or killed an innocent wizard or muggle in his nocturnal rampages he didn't think he could ever live with himself. He had to stay but it was hard to see that what he was doing hurt the ones he loved. They meant the world to him and he knew that there was no option which wouldn't hurt them however - and he longed for the months he was at Hogwarts, allowing them to have a break and his condition to be controlled by Dumbledore.

Remus turned the brass tap off and the water stopped running, the silence seemed to make him anxious as if a heavy cloud had settled in his brain. He placed the needle of his record player on the black vinyl and it crackled as it began to spin. The soft voice and guitar strumming of Bonnie and the Doxies filled his brain and he began to settle. He took off his blue, striped boxers and his oversized, white t-shirt which he threw onto the floor before he stepped into the bathtub, one bloody foot at a time. He sat down in the bath and allowed the hot water to cover his body. Not only did it sting like a thousand paper cuts that had been dipped in lemon water, it burnt his skin turning the white pink. He could see his cuts and scrapes healing feebly under in the dittany - werewolf cuts tended to last a long time and were reluctant to heal quickly, let alone at all. He felt his skin become tight and the pain slowly sink away. He sat up in the water and grabbed the lavender scented soap rubbing it along himself and biting down hard on his teeth as the soap stung each cut in his skin. He sunk back into the water and rubbed his arms and chest to wash the soap off. He sunk his head into the water, ran his hands through his hair as it floated and brought himself back pushing his golden brown hair out of his eyes. He sunk deeper into the muddy green water until only his head wasn't submerged.

"Alohamora." The door swung open and in strode James Potter, windswept and messy-haired. He sat in the edge of the bath,

"Get the fuck out you prat!" Remus howled as he scrambled to cover himself with the bubbles surrounding him.

"Clam yourself - I've seen you in worse states." James chuckled as he put his hand in the water and splashed it onto Remus' face. James was not the type to respect boundaries or regular etiquette, in fact, James had been so ignorant to normal muggle modesty that he had walked into their dormitory, head to toe naked without so much as a blush being plastered across his face.