1975

home at last

Remus and Peter banished Lily from their compartment as they began to get changed into their Hogwarts robes. Sirius was dead to the world, sleeping gently in the corner of the compartment with the blanket and a handful of chocolate frog cards clasped in his hand. James tore off his blue, woollen sweater and threw it onto the seat, his copper skin glinting in the afternoon haze, hoping and praying that Lily would suddenly turn around and see him but he was out of luck. James pulled on a white cotton shirt reluctantly and let it hang open watching Remus, who looked scared to take of anything at all. As Remus pulled his oversized jumper over his head, James realised why. The boy was absolutely covered, head to toe, in scars. Three prominent, claw shaped marks in the side of his abdomen were the most prominent and James had the strange sensation that they were still bleeding. It had been the full moon ten days ago however the wound looked fresh.

Remus became aware of James and Peter staring at him and quickly pulled his own shirt on, his face becoming almost as red as the blood seeping through the white of his shirt. Remus quickly snatched his wand from the seat behind him and waved it, muttering scourgify under his breath. The blood instantly vanished and made directly for his trunk.

"You'll get in right trouble for using magic - we're not even at Hogwarts yet!" James piped up however Remus ignored him, still rifling around the battered suitcase he had brought to school. At last, in a pouch that had been sewn into the side of it, he found what he was looking for. The blood had begun to seep through once more, staining his shirt even further. He unstoppered a small, carved glass flask and placed the crystal stopper on the seat next to him. He poured a lot of the whisky-coloured contents out and he rubbed it into his side. Instantly it turned muddy green and began to sizzle under his skin.

A plumes of smoke issued from the scar and he once again muttered scourgify, instantly ridding his shirt from the blood once more.

"Moony. What was- how did you-" James spluttered but he was cut across by Peter,

"Remus John Lupin," he snapped, eyebrows furrowed, "tell me what the fuck you have done to yourself." Remus shrank away into the corner, crimson with embarrassment. He felt scared, sick to his stomach with guilt and anger. It wasn't his fault that he lost control at the full moon, or that his scars rarely healed.

"Leave it Pete..." James glared at him and pulled off his trousers. He turned to Remus as he threw them on the seat, "ignore him, tell us when you feel comfortable." Remus tried to smile but decided against it, the dittany suddenly stinging his side, and a chemical-like flavour bled further down his tongue.

The boys all continued to get changed in silence; Remus rather reluctant to take off any more clothes due to the scars that lined his legs. Sirius slept peacefully in the corner, hardly stirring when Peter screamed at Lily who had walked into the compartment as the three changing boys stood in their underwear, Peter without his shirt on. She went bright red as she scanned James' bronzed chest, his toned body reflecting light from the train window. Her eyes fell on Remus' legs. They widened to the size of dinner plates at the sight of the scars and grazes that littered his rosy skin like chewing gum on a pavement.

"Evans, could you give us all a moment," James said calmly, a smile that reflected both embarrassment and the air of trying to seduce her. She nodded and walked out again - Remus couldn't help but think she was slightly angry with them for kicking her out yet again, but he knew she was scared of what she had just seen of him; truth be told, if Remus had seen one of his friends in a state similar to his he would be just as worried as she was. Remus felt sick with guilt, his stomach hung low and his throat was dry. How could he be doing this to those he loved so much? He knew the only way he knew how to free them of the burden that he is was to rid them of him entirely. Remus pulled on his black trousers, he didn't think he had the energy or motivation to deal with the cloud of grey depression that seemed to follow wherever he went. Thunder clapped outside and Remus, who had been too distracted to notice, realised it had started to rain. Water droplets trickled down the foggy window, the warm light of the compartment contrasting with the blue haze of the outside world. His eyes fell on Sirius, the water casting shadows of blue over his sleeping body. He stared into his fair face and curly brown hair. Something about him being there seemed to calm him down and allowed him to think clearly. He had to keep going - he loved them too much to ever let them go.

Sirius often calmed Remus down when he was at his worst. Something about how comforting and kind his nature was allowed Remus to let go and express how he felt without fear of being judged. His mind could go to very dark places, the dankest most desolate corners of his brain but a simple hug from Sirius would melt away all walls and allow him to be free of his worries.

Remus felt suddenly very warm and hot, and he got the sudden urge to kiss Sirius' cheek. The butterflies emerged once more in his chest, he knew this time it was definitely not because he was hungry.

-

The scarlet steam engine rolled into to Hogsmeade station and, as hundreds of eager students disembarked onto the platform, hugging friends hello and saying goodbye to others, Remus and James got swept away in the crowd, the distant shouts of Peter, Lily and Sirius calling their names fading away as they got carried further and further away. The two boys walked towards the horseless carriages and sat down on a called tree nearby, waiting for their friends to catch up.

"For fucks sake, those three always get lost," James laughed, placing a hand either side of him on the dry, leathery wood of the tree, and leaning back slightly. Remus smiled, looking up into James' face,

"You know, as soon as I get here and smell the fresh forest air. I feel so fucking calm, like I'm home and all my stress just melts away" Remus thought out loud. James looked back into his eyes,

"Well I would hope you feel at home mate, we're all your family aren't we?" James chuckled, playing a hand on the Remus' shoulder that was closest to him. Remus smoked back at him, eyes glinting the same colour as the ferns surrounding them.

"Of course Jamsey, of course."

Sirius, Peter and Lily all eventually came trudging down the leaf-littered path towards the two boys, mud squelching beneath their shoes looking rather windswept. They all made their way towards a horseless carriage, laughing as Peter slipped over, caked in the sticky, wet mud from the tip of his toes to the top of his head. Lily tried her best to clean him off with a mixture of spells but couldn't get the stubborn mud to shift out of his mouse brown hair.

James was talking animatedly to Sirius, reenacting how Peter had toppled over backwards when the shorter of the two boys stopped dead in his tracks. Sirius was staring fixedly, eyes wide and jaw hanging open, at some point a meter or so in front of the carriage.

"Hey Pads are you alright?" Remus asked, a confused smile plastered over his freckles face. Sirius raised a hand a pointed at the empty space in front of the carriage,

"Wh- what..." Sirius muttered, taking a step forward and then quickly whipping his head around to look at James.

"Are you alright mate? Do you need to go to the hospital wing?" James laughed concernedly,

"No," Sirius replied testily, "i was just wondering when giant bat horses decided to pull the carriages!"

"Alright calm your tits mate!" James replied,

"Bat horses?" Lily replied, gazing thoughtfully at Sirius, "you don't mean to say-"

"Look James, I know you might be a bit thick but even you could see them, they're fucking right there!" Sirius shouted pointing at the empty space, thick, dark brown eyebrows furrowing, his black metal eyebrow piercing pressing against his eyelashes.

"Alright no need to be an arsehole!" James retorted, getting riled up by Sirius.

"Shut up the both of you!" Lily shouted, stamping her foot so that mud splattered you her pale, bare leg. "Ugh- look what you made me do!"

"Sorry Evans," James muttered, pulling a tissue out of his robe pocket and offering it to her.

"Thank you," she said harshly, yet gratefully. "Now what Sirius is seeing is a beast only visible to certain people so will you boys stop arguing and just get on with it." Lily demanded. They both mumbled vague apologies, first to Lily, then to each other and soon they were all in one of the carriages, laughing and joking the whole way up towards the castle which glistened like a thousand stars in the night sky, moonlight reflecting off of each individual window pane that was set into the stone walls.

They were home.

-

Hope you enjoyed the chapter, it's been a long time coming! These chapters are more so just set up for the story so sorry if they're a bit boring but I tried!!!!!!

Go listen to a Taylor Swift song and hope you have a great morning afternoon or evening wherever you are in the world :)))

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