Stop Loving Me

I tell Daniel

James is asleep on the couch after  losing interest in the movie we are watching. Daniel is leaning on my shoulder and we are sitting there at peace. I look over at her and grab her hand, she lightly blushes and smiles," You okay Gavin?" I smile she really does care about me. I kiss her cheek and tell her I'm okay. I feel him snuggle against me and i know my face starts to redden. I sit up," Daniel do you want to know why I did this?" She nodded and held my hand trying to comfort me," When I was little Daniel at the age of eight a new girl showed up out of nowhere when I was at the park. She was lost so I wanted to help her so when I did we became instant friends. Soon we started doing everything together, when I figured out I was gay we came out to each other at the same time and when I had my first crush so did she. We liked each other and started dating. We held hands during school and everyone said we were the cutest couple. Only not everything thing is completely perfect. Soon she started getting bullied and started to have anxiety and felt anxious around everyone. Soon it got worse she started cutting herself she started drinking even smoking but I couldn't stop her. One day I called her so worried about her cause she hadn't shown up to school. When she answered she said she didn't feel good and we'd talk later," my eyes started forming tears," That talk we had later was at her funeral." I started to sob and curl my body into a ball when Daniel cupped my face and kisses my cheek," I promise Gavin I will help you to be better and to help you be happier. I will always be here for you even before I met you I liked you when I met you I was afraid of you but now I'm afraid of losing you. I LOVE YOU GAVIN I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOE YOU JUST TO SEE YOU SMILE!" I look at Daniel who is now crying but smiling at me. What have I done to deserve this person in my life. I smile and hold her crying self in my arms and her breathing slows down I whisper," I love you Daniel " I hear him gasp and feel a tear fall on me. I only see the the thing I want most in life. Daniel by my side and everything at peace but I know it won't stay this way. But right now that's not whats important I have my best friend with me and the best little girl with me and no matter what I will protect them at all cost. No matter how,what,where,or when I will protect them. I love them I always will. But I don't want to know what will happen if the world goes to hate me again with these two by my side I will always be happy even when they knock me down I will rise back up again. When I'm living on my knees I got to rise and take my shot to make what feels like hell a heaven and make it my home. I can't give up anymore. I have to do better. I'm not a weak little sixteen years old any more I know myself and I know what I can become. I know what's on the inside. There is a wolf in the inside. A beast I can be and I can control, one that is mine. I know who I am but I have to learn to be a hero to be a person and not a monster. I need to be here for James, for Daniel, for Sam , and for me. I feel slow deep breathing and realize that Daniel is now asleep. I look around and see everything is dark and the movie is now just plain static. I feel a bittersweet like feeling I have more than one feeling than this but all of which I can't explain. All I do is for them. Maybe it's time to to do it for me and not to give up anymore, I need to look over the fog and not just see the white. I need to see the rainbow and not the blank hell that I know but it think right now I should take thing Ms slow and focus and now. Cause now  I think I should get some sleep cause it's getting really late. I turn off the TV and lay down next to Daniel cover myself in a blanket and lay down. Good night Sam, goodnight James, goodnight Daniel, and goodnight Zizzy.