Let It Burn (ENGLISH)

2

I rinse my mouth in the sink. I even find some old chewing gum in my bag. It’s probably a thousand
years after its expiration date, but that’s not bothering me at all right now. I need to get rid of the
horrible smell of vomit.
Ripley’s still standing on the same spot and he looks a bit nervous. I wonder what he’s thinking
about. Is he thinking about his job or something more personal? Does he have a girlfriend we don’t
know about? I know he’s already been married twice, but I haven’t heard of someone new since
then. I would like to know what he thinks about me or if he’s capable of falling in love with me just
as I fell in love with him.
I fix my hair a bit and approach him with a soft smile on my face.
“I’m sorry it took so long, chief,” I say as I nervously play with a zipper on my favourite leather jacket.
“I didn’t mind it. We could be on first-name terms here if you want. I’m Lucas,” I shake his hand and I notice that he’s a
bit shaking. Is he nervous too?
“I would love to. I’m Vic.” I smile at him. When he smiles back at me, I almost melt. Is it even allowed
to be this hot? Isn’t there some law for it? Well, it should be, because it’s killing me.
“So? Can we go... for that coffee?” He lets go of my hand and he grabs his bag.
Ripley chooses a little cafe which is almost empty, but I still look around just in case someone I know
was sitting there. Because I don’t really know how I would explain this situation.

He orders a cappuccino which really surprises me because I saw him more like an espresso guy or just
a black coffee guy. I order the same plus a nice strawberry cake. Then I realize that I probably
shouldn’t eat junk food in front of him because it says a lot about my poor discipline.
“Eh... I have a cheat day, I don’t eat this every day,” I say as I smile nervously, and I look away.
“Vic... You’re a firefighter, not a nun.” He chuckles warmly and he rubs his chin. “Do you
think I don’t eat sweets?”
I blush a little and I smile at him. I don’t know, what am I supposed to think of him. He seems like a
completely different person than the chief I yelled at during the peer reviews and then again at the
skyscraper fire. This is not that strict boss who holds on to every rule and he watches over each and
every one of his subordinates. This is a nice man who loves candy.
“The only reason why I don’t want a cake today is the fact they don’t have a chocolate one in
here, you know?” He grins and takes a sip of his hot coffee. I have to laugh because that man
right here is too perfect.

“I get it. Chocolate is my biggest love.” I’m laughing.
“And you could be too, you know?” I think to myself.
“At least, chocolate would never cheat on you.” He nods
and laughs. I heard about his previous ruined marriages. Both failed because of his wives
cheating. I just don’t get it. This man is a win.
“I heard about your ex’s,” I say with a silent sigh. “I’m so sorry, Lucas.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore,” he shakes his head. “Some people just aren’t meant to find a
love of their life... Or be with love of your life anyway.”
Uhm... Hello? I’m right here, chief. I’ll marry you right now, we just need some rings.
“Stop being so pessimistic. You’ll find someone, I’m sure.” I try to encourage him with a smile.
“Maybe.” He nods and gives me a soft smile. Why is he doing this to me? Why is he so amazing? Does
he want to kill me or what?
I catch myself staring at him (again), so I look away and something catches my eye. There’s a small
heart drawn into the foam of my cappuccino. I sigh and I destroy the latte art because I don’t want to
look at that stupid heart. It was mocking me.
“And what about you? Have you found the love of your life yet?” He looks deep into my eyes.
So okay, this conversation between the chief and one of his subordinates is probably the weirdest
one ever. What the hell? What should I say? Yes, I did, he sits in front of me? Yeah, I don’t think so.
“Me? No... Don’t really have the luck either.” I’m trying not to show how nervous I actually am. But
I’d love to tell him everything about my feeling for him and about the lust I feel. About how much I
want to gently kiss his lips.
I can’t believe I’m having these messed up thoughts. I should go see a therapist. This just isn’t
normal. He’s my boss, he’s divorced and also fifteen years older than me. That’s way too much. What
am I doing with my life? I should give myself a nice refreshing slap. That could help.
------------------------------------------
show up at the therapy sessions a few times more after the first one, but I don’t have a real
reason to go there anymore. I only go there because I want to see Lucas. I want to sneak glances at
him when he doesn’t see me. I know I sound like some creepy stalker, but I can’t help myself. However, Lucas doesn’t have to worry, I wouldn’t do anything
creepy. I just might try to take him on a date, but I don’t have the balls to do it now.
The coffee became our tradition. We go after every session and Lucas even started eating cake, so
I’m not ashamed of eating crap anymore.
I only live for those moments when we are together. I feel really good with Lucas, but I don’t know
how to show him that I want a bit more than just a nice friendship. I want to love and to be loved. I want butterflies in
my stomach. I want all the joy and happiness but also the woes that come with a relationship.
And most importantly, I want Lucas.
But how should I tell my boss that I like him? Why isn’t there some guidebook for these
situations? Dating your boss for dummies? I could really use some. A guidebook for Vic, who has
fallen in love for the first time in thirty years of her life and now she’s in love with her boss who’s a
lot older. Yeah, I would love to read that.
I’m hopelessly in love. Now I get all the misery caused by unreturned love. But this isn’t
the case. I think there’s something there, I think he might like me too. But he hasn’t said a word
about it yet. I don’t want to fall in the dump called friend zone just because I’m too scared to make the first move.
But I completely understand why he doesn’t want to do the first step himself. It’s too risky
for him. If I hadn’t felt the same way, he would have been in really big trouble. He could have lost
his job.
And it must be hard to risk losing his job like that when he’s worked so hard to get to the position
he is at.
So, now I’m at the session for the last time. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be just his friend because
it hurts when I think about a life with him while we’re still only doing weekly coffees. It will never
be enough.
Lucas is looking at me, but I pay attention to the share that’s happening at the front. I won’t let my
mind go crazy about his gorgeous blonde wave fallen in his face. Not ever again.
When the therapy finally ends, I grab my jacket and I head to the exit. Lucas runs after me and he's trying to keep up with me.
“No coffee today? I was looking forward to it.” He looks at me and I bite my lip because he’s making
me nervous.
“No, not today.” I act like I’m resistant to his charm and I’m actually quite good at it. For now.
“Come on. I’ll pay.” He smiles softly and he still stares at me with his blue eyes. He looks like a little
sad puppy and even though I’m really trying, I can’t say no.

“Why do you want it so much?” I stop and I cross my arms on my chest. Lucas puts his hand in his
pockets and he’s silent for a minute.
“You’re a great woman, you know? And I really enjoy spending time with you, Vic.” He shrugs and
he’s waiting for my reaction. I wait because I want to see him suffer just a little bit longer but when
he starts looking like an abused animal, I finally nod.
“Fine, I’ll go with you, but you have to buy me a cake.” I laugh and he smiles. We head towards the
nearest café together.
We settle down and Lucas orders our coffees and cakes. We just sit in silence for a while and we both
have something to say, but no one has the balls to say it out loud. I want him to take me on an actual
date, but I know he won’t do it because he’s too scared. So, I have to be the one to break through
the silence.
“Don’t you want to take me out for something... a bit different? Maybe a little more serious?” I say
without thinking and I give him a nervous smile. Lucas lifts his eyebrow and looks at me very strictly.
“You want that?” He gives me a small grin. “Well, if you want... But be careful what you wish for.”
We both laugh and I notice how he looks at me. He’s into this as deep as I am, his face revealed him.