but it's ok.

Two.

Sept. 8,2018
It's the first weekend of the school year.This means nothing but staying in bed to recover from a damaged sleep schedule. At least for those who don't know Sabina Kim. Every year since she moved to Lakefield in the third grade she has hosted a "Summer's Over Soirée". And every year I pull out a swimsuit slightly larger than the one I had last year. They are always either one-pieces or high waisted which shouldn't bother me as I usually end up in an oversized t-shirt. This year Sabina texted me three different times to make it known that there was an active dress code and anyone toting a tee would be forced to leave. I took this warning seriously.

Another notification popped up on my screen as I finished typing. In all caps Sabina texted , "911: TY COMING TODAY,, WITH FRIENDS". Ty was Sabina's cousin who lived with the Kims until he went off to college. I casually replied with a "?" hoping this was Sabina being anal about her guest to snack ratio being off and not her fear that her parents would try to arrange her with one of his friends. Last year Sabina's mom caught her making out with her lab partner Hanna. Since then the only time Mrs. Kim talks to her daughter is to point out the cute Korean boys at church. "I think she'd even settle for an atheist as long as he's male," Sabina texted me last week. I swiped my fingers across my phone to reply, "911: STILL NO SWIMSUIT". Sabina loved distracting herself from her own problems by taking on other people's.

The benefit of living a block away from your best friend was apparent when Sabina showed up at my doorstep two minutes later with her dad's car keys in hand. Ten minutes later we were in the cramped dressing room of a Forever 21 with a pile of rejected swimwear options on the bench. I saw the impatience growing on my best friend's face so I told her I'd find something while she stalks the girl at the fabric store like I knew she wanted all along. I grabbed the bathing suit that would cover the most and rushed to the cash register.

"Gia," I noticed my sister rummaging through the athleisure section. She turned around, just as surprised that I was shopping somewhere other than Ruffles and Stuff as I was that she was doing something other than kicking a ball on a field.

"Oh, is Sabina's party today," she asked looking down at the one piece I held tightly with one hand.

"Yeah," I said. Suddenly I realized I hadn't invited her this year, or in the last three years. I assumed she'd be too busy or just didn't want to hang out with her older sister.

"Do you... wanna come," I offered.

"I can't, I mean I don't have anything to swim in," she croaked. In response,I just looked around at the piles of clothes and swimwear that surrounded us. What kind of older sister am I if my baby sister can't even lie well?

"Well, I guess I can go," she settled. I smiled before telling her the time and headed back to the register.

Sept. 10, 2018
The tide is high, but I'm holding on. The lyrics of the nostalgic banger by Atomic Kitten played in my head as I let the pool water wash over my skin. That night was marked by Gia showing up in a swimming cap like the athlete she is, Sabina avoiding her mother every time a boy came their way, and Ty's "college friends" who were just some guys he played video games with including Niko from homeroom. This was our last official Summer's Over Soirée and half of the night was spent getting to know each other. The rest of the night was filled with cringe karaoke and Niko giving me his marching band sweater. A really soft marching band sweater but I couldn't be caught repping another school's colors, especially when it was a blinding yellow contrasting a navy blue.

I stuffed my laptop into my backpack along with Niko's sweater. The glowing clock beside my bed read 5:38 AM, twelve minutes before my father would march into my room, whistle in hand, to wake me up. He didn't know that I'd sometimes wake up a whole hour before this and I wouldn't let him know. This was the only tradition we had after soccer.

I looked myself up and down in my mirror before leaving the house. A distressed white tee hidden underneath an olive green cardigan, dark wash jeans, and maroon boots for color. Definitely a step up from Ruffles and Stuff. "Are you sure that's what you want to wear," my mother's voice invaded my thoughts. Every syllable was stressed, her shrill voice like nails on a chalkboard. These weren't even her real words but I was convinced I had to change. I quickly grabbed an oversized all black sweater that would not garner any positive attention.

I walked to his desk in the corner of the classroom. "Hey,Niko," I said.

He returned my greeting with a grin. It wasn't the smug grin the other boys made as they waited for someone to laugh at their jokes. No, it was a shy smile like he couldn't get his words out. This was a shock to me after how chatty he had been at Sabina's; maybe he had no words because he was embarrassed to be seen talking to me.

I pulled out his sweater from my bag. As he reached over to grab it from my hand, a look of subtle disappointment spread on his face. If he was that embarrassed then he shouldn't have given me the sweater in the first place.

"Here," I shoved the sweater at him. His hand brushed over mine and his eyes met with every object in the room, avoiding my own. Now the look of disappointment was replaced with flushed cheeks reminiscent of a boy with a crush. What am I saying, we just met? There was no way.