The GIRL in the YELLOW summer dress

Part 30 - Forgiveness

ARNAV

I settled down beside her as I looked at Shrey and then at her nervously, I wasn't planning on coming back but I had to, when Aria called me and informed me about her health, I couldn't just stop myself from coming back.

After I left, I maintained contact with Aria so she would keep on updating me about Khushi's health and about Shrey too, about anything she knew regarding the both of them.

I know I shouldn't have left, Khushi and Shrey's anger was justified but I was just trying to fix things, I was trying to make them right.

I thought if I left maybe Khushi would overcome what she felt for me and everything between her and Shrey would get back to normal, she couldn't really blame me for trying to fix things I had messed up.

I wasn't a coward, neither did I choose to run away, I know that's what both of them thought but only if they knew that staying was easier than going away from them both, they were the only people I loved so much, it took all in me to walk away from them, especially at such a time when they both needed me the most.

"I'm hungry, I want to eat." She said, before I could say anything, Shrey stood up announcing that he would get some food for her from the cafeteria and walked away, it was awkward being left alone with her, I was seeing her after months.

"Khushi I..." I tried to speak but she placed her hand on mine suddenly and I just stopped, that small touch of her was enough to remind me how strongly I felt for her, that's why I chose to leave, I couldn't really trust my feelings.

"I don't want to do this anymore Arnav, I just want to be normal, if I'm going to die, I want to die in peace, not stuck between choosing either you or Shrey." She whispered, her voice was so low it was getting me worried.

"You aren't going to die Khushi!" I looked at her angrily, I dint want to lose hope, neither did I want her to lose it.

"Yeah, are you God that you're going to stop me from dying? I heard the conversation between Aria and Shrey, I know if not today I'm going to die soon and all I want is to die peacefully, with no worries and no regrets." She tried to smile.

God! She looked so weak, it took everything in me not to hug her and hold her tightly in my arms, I was so scared of losing her, I felt like my heart was just going to stop beating, for a moment I felt like I couldn't even breathe properly because of just seeing her this way.

"I don't want to regret not telling you anything, who knows I might die in the next five minutes." She giggled.

"Stop saying that." I looked at her angrily, how could she joke about this, dint she know how important she was to me?

"Arnav, I tried all I could, when you left, I tried to convince myself that you left because you were a coward and I tried to make myself believe that so I could stop feeling this way about you, I tried all I could to hate you but I couldn't. I tried all I could to stop loving you but I couldn't. so if I die, today, tomorrow or whenever, just know that I love you and I don't know if I had to take the decision I would have chosen you or Shrey, but I want you to know that I loved you and maybe it's going to be enough." She smiled weakly.

"I Love you too Khushi, but we both know it, I wouldn't let you chose me and you wouldn't let yourself chose me either." I said to her, she nodded with a smile.

No matter what we felt for each other, we both knew what was the right thing to do, but then I couldn't deny it felt wrong at the same time too.

Honestly I don't know, it was difficult, if she chose Shrey when she loved me was wrong, but if she chose me when she was married to Shrey was wrong too, so what the hell was the right thing to do?