my rant book (:(

one-sided relationships

do you ever feel like you're the one always making an effort to see people or talk to them?

For me... I haven't yet been able to find a friend that I feel like the effort is coming from both ends. I always feel like I put too much into unworthy relationships and after school ends, I'll be alone again. The downside of being alone is my ability to make friends is not great and I'm not so confident. I wish it was something that came easy to me. I guess you always wish for something you can't or don't have.. and for me being more confident and being able to make friends is one of them.

One of my said closest friends (lets call her Luna) has barely even noticed me in the past 3 months. She's too busy talking to boys & living in denial that literally every single one of them has a thing for her. She used to be the person I saw every single day and even though I was making the effort to catch up, she did make it worth the while in person. I'm so hurt that I don't even make it on her radar & she's starting to ditch me.

Another.. let's call her Cass for these purposes.. she's been off with me since the beginning of the year after a camp. I don't exactly understand what happened... it's kinda like we went back to school and the friendship we made stronger over the holidays had meant nothing and she was back to ditching for someone who makes her feel like absolute shit. Like whattttttt. Why would you do that to yourself? Hahhahaha she recently cancelled on our plans to go get breakfast and hang out because she had to study ( which she had been doing for the past two weeks and we had made these plans before that like I am seriously hurt beyond measure.)

Lilly (not actual name once again) works too much and I swear if I didn't start a conversation we would be snapping one another photos of our face the whole day (LAME) Also she's too busy trying to make friends that don't go to our school because yunno we aren't good enough for her either but hey what can you do? 

You know its funny, I feel the same about my sisters, if I didn't message them I would get nothing. I love them I do, and I understand that they're busy but they're so absent in my life that sometimes I forget they exist and I feel like I'm an only child.

Lets stop it at that because I might start getting too personal or too in my feelings about the situation.