Misunderstood

Chapter 8

Andrea could hear her mom get up and knew it was because she could hear her crying so she pretended to sleep and heard her mom open her door and put the light on "Andrea honey, get up" she shook me so I blinked at her and wiped my tears "you had a nightmare and you were crying... did something happen that brought on the memories?" she does not know what happened but she knows some of it and I have not cried in months and it always grew fewer than before. Andrea held her mom's palm to her face "yes but I'll be fine, it's not like I can just forget and not be affected but it is annoying" she gave out a sigh and scooted so her mom could join her on her bed, like she always does when Andrea has her nightmare "let us have some hot chocolate before you try to sleep again, do you want to skip school tomorrow?" she looked up to her mom in shock because she was always so strict when it came to education "you need it but that does not mean you are free from work, you need to study and finish your homework" Andrea got up and hugged her "thank you! I will but if I stay home, it will just be worse because I won't be busy enough and the memories will slip in easier" she put on my long royal blue cotton nightgown and followed her out and just sat, but one glaring look from her made Andrea jump out and make her own hot chocolate, even crying does not get her pampered.

Jade called me to sit with her as the teacher was absent and everyone changed seats and tried to include me with their talks but I didn't feel up to pretending today so I just sat in my seat and wrote poems to pass on the time.

Sorrow filled,

Hollow eyes,

Makes me cold as the dead inside,

With an agonizing ache in the center,

So why do I feel so at peace like this?

Why do I feel so calm?

When I feel the freezing burn inside.

She sat for a while, trying to draw blank so she can write another poem, she hates how when she is busy or cannot write down something, her mind fills with poetic rhythms yet when she is ready to write, nothing comes up.

I feel like I'm drowning,

In a pit of abyss,

My cries are the only thing that I can hear,

No one else can hear my echoing screams,

I'm all alone,

They think it's not serious,

Believing the mask rather than the dying soul,

No matter how much the mask slips,

It is prettier than the truth,

Always running away from danger,

And the truth,

They see the truth and run,

They see the truth and blur it and fix the mask

The best time for her to write is when she is sad, depressed, angry, confused and right now, she is all that. It just comes to her when she starts to write and the world falls away... that's the best part about writing and reading, you are no longer in a world of misery and failure but transported into a whole new world and you are anyone or everyone in that time, you experience the world like never before, have friendships and enemies that you can take on and to you, for just that moment, it is real and you have lived.

Andrea put her pen down and put away her poetry book when the bell rang and when she looked around, she saw chaos... mostly everyone was out of their places and standing around in groups or sitting on the desks and talking all at once and she wondered how she was able to block them out. She looked at the back to see where Kody was and she met his eyes, her eyes widened and her breath came out faster as she quickly turned around. She could hear chairs scraping as everyone went back to their places before the teacher came but she was struggling with herself because, with the recent memories, she is scolding herself for even thinking about another guy, she was almost in tears in guilt and shame but had to hold it in as she is in school and she heard the chairs next to her move. She knew Kayleen didn't come so she was nervous about who decided to sit next to her and hoped it is not Kody or one of his friends. When the teacher entered, she brought her head up and saw it was Samantha and that made her change her mind, she wished Kody would have come to sit here. Andrea took out her books and started taking down the notes from the board but every so often, she could feel the stares on her and knew that Samantha did not only sit here to be close to her friends in the back of her but to mess with her so she tried to ignore her as much as she can but with the teacher not changing her seat, it means that she will have to suffer with her for the whole period plus next as we have double Math's. "Class, after you take down the sums, complete it and after this lesson, I will call you to complete the sums on the board," Sir said then he just went to his desk and started grading paper.

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Andrea was still trying to answer the questions when the bell rang and she knew she was out of time when the Sir got up and started looking around, her heart beat in fear of being called in front of the class and she wished something would happen to disrupt the class or she would be called away so she would not go through being embarrassed by getting the answers wrong, hell even if she gets it right, she would rather get stabbed so she could avoid going up there in front of everyone and have all attention on her, she contemplated poking herself so she would have to leave class... but she didn't have anything sharp that she would be able to use as an excuse that she mistakenly poked herself. With that option over, she thought she could use the excuse to go to the ladies but it is almost break and class just started, he could always call her when she came back "Joshua come and answer equation five" her heart beat faster, even though she was not called, how is it that she is not dying with a heart attack with how unregular her heart beats every day? School for her always makes her heart beat in fear at different times and speeds and if a week goes by without it trembling in fear, it means something is up. Joshua was a good student and he managed to finish the equation in a matter of minutes "very good, Camelia come, equation two" her heart is beating so fast that she can feel her body moving with the bang of the beat each time and she can feel it in her throat, it feels like others would be able to see the beating in her throat as well, she was also breathing faster than normal but tried not to show it, which made it worse, she hoped it would cause her to faint so she would be able to leave but as luck turns out, she is the next one to be called, she gulps in air and holds her hands in front of her so no one will see her shaking but with all attention on her, she feels the edges blacking and disrupting her eyesight and she trips and holds onto the desk and that is when she takes a deep breath in, the class erupts in laughter with her almost fall and she wants to faint already but she is at the front and she takes the chalk in shaky hands, shaking from the vibration of her heart and answers the question, luckily this is one that she did before and know the right answer. Sir says good and sends her off, she was still shaking as she sat down and her breath and heart were still uneven, no one knew the struggle she went through walking that short distance and she wants to cry with it over but that would bring on more attention and embarrassment so she holds it in like always. She wants to ask to go to the ladies but she knows her voice will be shaky with the vibrations of her heart and loss of breath, she must calm down before that but with the fear that he might call her again, it never went away and she only got to start calming down when the bell rang, she wanted to cry again for the release of fear but chose to pack up and leave. "wait Andrea, we wanted to ask you something" Samantha stopped her "we want you to join us in the break, well... Kody wants you to join us, so will you meet us at the back of the B block?" she still could not talk but she risked it "I can't, I have plans with my friends" "ok but we have a free period after lunch, maybe you can sit next to Kody, he wants to talk to you" Andrea nodded than left, that conversation made my calming down heart speed up. Andrea was fed up with herself, why can't she be as confident and calm as when she was with her cousin?