Misunderstood

Chapter 13

She packed her bag and was just waiting for her mom to answer her phone "hi mom" "hey, how are you doing? Did you wash the dishes and sweep?" she rolled her eyes "I will do that, I just called to say that I will be staying at a friend's house but will be back tomorrow, do you have your keys with you?" "yes, the house better be spick and span when I get home" urgh always the case "yeah ok, bye" "bye" Andrea left her bag and went to work because she definitely won't be back before her to do the work.

Aleksandur and Aneliya went to go shopping after they left her so she listened to music while waiting for them. She had so many songs and they all can remind her of Crystal and Anthony so she keeps switching songs so that she only got to listen to five full songs by the time she heard their car, she wishes she can just delete it all but she struggles with it when she tries to so she just gave up. Whenever she feels down, she always puts those songs on and thinks back and it makes her feel so much better because it makes her feel worse. It must say something about how unstable she is that she feels right at home in comfort when she feels down but she has an excuse for it. Andrea collects her bag as the song hymn for the missing by the band red comes on and she thought of the time she and Crystal went camping out with their boyfriends, she remembers how she was with him, he always had this thing about kissing her palm when he would sit next to her or when he was playing and she would look into his eyes and kiss his neck before running off. "hey" she half hugged Aneliya and Aleksandur "my goodness, we leave you for a few hours and you go all depressed on us?" Andrea looks at Aneliya "well, I'm sorry; would you like for me to jump on you guys and sing a hello song?" Aleksandur laughed "we going to sing each time we meet? Cool, I'll choose the mornings song" Aneliya and Andrea both looked at him and gave out a sigh and shook their heads "you are such a child Alex! And Andrea what happened? Why are you so down?" she sighed again "I was just listening to music and thinking about the past... about Anthony and Crystal" Andrea lifted her bag and looked at them, to which they all rushed outside and into the car, Andrea locked up and slipped into the car "so... do you want to talk about it?" Andrea looked out the windows, watching the trees and houses "I don't know, it's a really long story and its... I can't, sorry" the drive after that was quiet that was only disturbed by the radio. -2105

#

The week went by fast and Andrea tried to take it day by day, she met up with her friends and went to the fight, that she won but nothing interesting happened other than Kody staring at her. She was avoiding him after what happened that day with Aleksandur and it was hard because he is finally getting interested in her and even though she knows it's the mystery and maybe because she stood him up but she can't help loving the attention. She found it so wonderful and joyful to experience having a crush on someone after Anthony, although it's not the same, what she felt with Anthony was like floating and swimming in the wide ocean and a bit scary but with Kody, it just felt like gazing at the ocean but she also thought that after having that ripped away from her, she thought she would never think about the ocean again.

It felt so uncomfortable, I can't sleep, I can't think, and I can't erase the memories that plunged me so often but as time went on, I managed to block it out but now I can't so I just drift day to day. I was in a constant frame of backward memory, everything somehow manages to be a connection to spark a memory from my past and I'm getting shocked and thrown into a thunderstorm of memories. I feel like all I am is just a tank of failure when I look back and see all the signs, all the triggers I should have seen and should have stopped. I feel my grief is messed up and that I don't have a right to do so because it was my fault. I try to ask myself over and over again how it all went wrong and what and when could I have stopped it and furthermore, there is more guilt because of the lies I had told the FBI which is a crime, that I have carried on for years but how could I have spoken so soon when I still have problems digesting it now?

#

The school has organized an excursion on Halloween day for us matriculants to relieve our stress levels by giving us a break before the big exams, we are all going to the Camden and The London Eye that celebrates the week with a Halloween theme. Halloween day is on Friday so we had to give our signed forms by Thursday if we wanted to go but Andrea had to forge the signature, it was wrong and illegal but she knew how her mom felt about Halloween and she wanted to go and there were some people she had to meet, having spent a lot of time in America and hearing all the stories, Halloween became her favorite time of year, even if she had to spend it here in London and video chat with her cousin and Anthony after school to experience it in America. She got a call on Monday from someone from the FBI and they asked to meet her because they have a job for her to do so she told them to meet her on Friday at the Camden. She would have told them 'no' if they called a few months ago but she already made up her mind that she would be joining the FBI so doing an official job for them should help her out, maybe she should bargain to let her lies go to do the job. "Andrea! I was wondering if you would accompany me to The London Eye on Friday, make it a date" my heart thumped in an ongoing erratic rhythm when she heard Kody's voice and she turned too quickly and clumsily pulled herself together "um yeah sure" she smiled at him but frowned when he walked away quickly after that, she thought he would stay and talk more, did she scare him away by how excited she seemed? She shook her head and went to sit by Jade. It was a free period and Jade asked her to join her and her friends, Andrea thinks it would be the same as if she was alone but she must be on a lookout to act on the spot. She put her head on her arms and tried to look interested in the conversation going on but in truth, she was daydreaming and didn't hear a full sentence.