My First Love @JoPRBooks

Love is a funny thing.

I don't know what love is to be afraid of it, but truth be told.... I am scared. Terrified actually.

Looking at you is like the first time all over again. It makes me laugh thinking about how our story began. I didn't like you at all. I didn't know anything about you. I didn't know you then. I didn't want to.

Love is not all rainbows and unicorns. There generally is fear, doubt, a risk.

Somehow you made your way into my thoughts. It started off at random moments then it became daily. When I fell asleep it was you, When I woke up it was you. I would automatically search for your brown curls in a crowd. Questions were forming, invading my mind. "What's your middle name? What was your childhood like? Cats or dogs? Likes? Dislikes? Do you have a birthmark? How do you take your coffee? Do you even drink coffee? What do your tattoos mean? How many do you have?" I found myself wanting to know everything about you. Every little single detail. I had all these questions but you had the answers.

I struggle to accept myself. How can someone else accept me completely flaws and all?

Now all I see are a pair of emerald green eyes. They captivate you at first glance holding my eyes hostage. Eyes full of life, full of emotions, full of wonder. The  way they would light up when only looking at me. The innocence in them while telling me stories about your childhood.  That glint of mischief they hold when you are about to tickle me. The sadness in them when I say " I have to go." The hope in them when I say "I'll see you later."

I am terrified of showing someone who I really  am, only for them to leave when they realise I'm not enough.

I then see your dimpled smile. Full pink lips grinning wide, showcasing your pearly whites. Crinkles surrounding your bright eyes adding emphasis to the deep dimples embedded onto your cheeks. It is one of my most favourite things in the world. You look soo young and carefree, like nothing else matters but this moment.

How can you give everything that you have, everything that you are to a person wholeheartedly? Giving that one person the power to potentially break your heart into pieces in the hopes that they won't.

My fingers trace the stories permanently written on your body. Each design soo detailed and beautiful. Each one with its own secret. I remember thinking how lucky I was to be the one to hear your stories. To know the reasons behind each marking. Out of all the people in the world, you chose to share it with me. You let me in.

Unrequited love. Loving someone more then they love you. Constantly worrying about them more than yourself. Not finding love at all. Someone loving you wholeheartedly, you feel you don't deserve it. Loving someone soo much it physically hurts to be near them or apart. Someone having that much power over your emotions you don't even realise you cannot control it.

Your soft gentle fingers tuck a loose strand of my hair behind my ears. Your touch lingers as you trace the features of my face. I feel a tender caress on my cheek still staring intently into each others eyes.

"Goodmorning love."

In this moment when we are most vulnerable and fragile, all our emotions on display, messy hair, smelly breath, the tiny reflection of me in your eyes,  you looking at me like I'm your world. Taking me as I am, Loving me as I am. My worries, fears and doubts all gone.  In this moment, I know I wouldn't want to be anywhere else but here lying next you in your arms.

Despite being scared of love, I fell in love anyways.

I fell in love with you.

My first love.