Love Honey

XIII

April 10th

Delaney got me to try ecstasy.  At first I was a little hesitant but eventually I guess I caved at some point. You understand right?

At first it was nothing, I didn't think I  could feel anything other than my heart pounding so ferociously through out my whole body. 

Guys I was nervous as shit.

It creeped up when we were all squished inside a taxi on the way to some club Delaneys boyfriend was getting us into.

When I finally thought my heart would take flight and leap out my heart it kicked full swing.  And just like that everything was better, funnier, brighter.

I was alive.

Actually living and breathing.

It was like I could take a breathe again, like I was holding my breathe for so long I didn't even realize it. Does that make sense? Does it sound crazy? I don't want to sound like some crazy drug person.  Weed always makes me feel good but this was something else.

The crowds of people didn't bother me journal. I couldn't actually stop talking to everyone, I wanted to share this great feeling with them. It was nonstop a whirlwind of feelings, I was in control of everything that night.

I don't think I've ever had that much fun with my friends. 

But of course everything must come to an end and reality is back crashing through the room. I've been dodging my dads calls all weekend.  I guess he wants to explain his self. Not like I really care though. Is that wrong? I'm stuck here. He's not. He gets to stay in our home with little ole Karen. I feel like I'm rotting away.

Fuck him.

If he really cared he would have taken me with him!

Journal I feel like I'm going mad. Is it okay to feel like this? Sometimes I wonder what the point is. Why keep trying so hard. I can't talk to my friends about this. Everyone is so caught up in their own thing. My daddy issues aren't serious.

Spring break is coming up soon at least.

Please oh please let me feel better in time!

-Honey

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