Lauren stood paralysed, her mind in turmoil, unsure what she should do for the best. Her head was telling her to go home, to give Camila some space to get through the challenge which awaited her inside that building. Glancing on the face of the
person who almost killed you, either knowingly or not, was going to be hard enough for Camila without Lauren complicating things even further with her now, obviously unwanted presence.
However, Lauren’s heart was contradicting her head fiercely, compelling her to chase after Camila, to stop her from walking
away from her and more importantly them. Lauren’s heart throbbed so painfully in her chest that she imagined it being pulled forcefully against her chest wall with every step away from her that Camila took. As Lauren hesitated, her head battling with
her heart indecisively, Camila disappeared inside the building and Lauren felt an ache unlike anything else she’d ever experienced before in her life. She felt her chest heave, air expelling from her lungs in hard sobs as she cried openly and unabashedly in the
parking lot where she stayed, silently gaping at the electronic doors, praying that at any moment Camila would reappear.
Finally, after fifteen minutes of waiting, Lauren realised that she wouldn’t. Now that Camila had vanished out of sight, Lauren’s mind finally conquered her failing heart and she slowly made her way back towards her car, climbing into the drivers’ seat solemnly and slamming the door closed behind her in frustration. All she
could think about whilst she sat there, her head resting listlessly against the window, was how this was her fault and the self-
contempt she felt in that moment far exceeded any hatred that she felt towards Rachel. Yes, her exgirlfriend was vindictive and malicious but it had been her finger that had pulled the trigger that may have ultimately ended her relationship with Camila. Rachel may have been the one to plant doubts in her mind about Camila’s feelings but Lauren had been the one to let them take root and fester, growing exponentially and indiscriminately like
the cells of a malignant tumour until they completely consumed her. Camila herself had not given Lauren one single reason to
distrust her feelings. In fact, her actions over the last twenty four hours alone should have been enough to convince Lauren that she was being ridiculous and asinine for even giving Rachel’s comments a moment’s consideration. Lauren was angry with Rachel for making her question Camila’s feelings and her commitment to their relationship but, more than anything, Lauren was livid with herself. She allowed Rachel to get under her skin, to taint everything special that she and Camila shared, twisting it around in Lauren’s head until she’d become irrational and self-
destructive. Rachel had gotten exactly what she’d wanted with very little effort and Lauren had allowed it to happen, playing
right into her exgirlfriends hands without even a second thought. Lauren cursed herself mentally for being such an idiot, lifting her head from its position against the window and turning her key in the ignition, firing the engine into life noisily. Lauren debated staying in her car and waiting in the parking lot for Camila to come back out, but, she thought better of it when she remembered the withdrawn and unresponsive form that she’d found yesterday afternoon when she’d gone to Camila’s house after school. She decided that, no matter what they were going through right now, Camila didn’t need the extra complication, not when she was
already dealing with so much. So, Lauren slowly put her car in reverse and pulled out of her parking space, exiting the lot and
making her way along the road beyond, driving with no particular destination in mind, aimlessly and reflectively as she considered everything that had transpired in the last few hours.
She couldn’t have told you how long
she drove for, or which streets she had passed on her seemingly arbitrary journey, but, Lauren would always remember where she’d ended up, parked at the beach, in the same spot as she had the evening of her first date with Camila. Lauren stared out her window at the ocean, watching the waves as they rolled into the shore and crashed into the sand beneath, stirring it up and agitating it furiously. The imagery wasn’t wasted on Lauren and she pictured Rachel, the stormy sea sweeping in and disturbing the sand, or as she imagined it, her relationship with Camila. Lauren vividly remembered a particular story that Camila had shared with her that evening that they had sat together on the beach and a quote, that seemed especially relevant to their
situation now, “A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.” Camila had told Lauren that at the time she’d not understood the words. That it hadn’t been until after her accident that they’d finally made sense and although Lauren had grasped the meaning of the quote rather quickly, it was only now that she truly appreciated it. As she sat there, time disappearing into an endless abyss, never to be lived or experienced again, Lauren couldn’t help but regret her
actions but, she knew that if nothing else she’d learnt from them, even if it were too late to salvage her relationship with Camila. If Lauren’s life were a movie, it would be raining outside as she stared out to sea, the light drizzle running smoothly down the glass of the window as she gazed at the dull grey sky and dismal weather which would perfectly suit her mood. However, her life was not a movie, and although the wind was strong and the sky
cloudy, it was bright and every so often the sun would break through a gap in the fluffy white clouds to warm Lauren’s face, a
small comfort in an otherwise miserable mood. Eventually Lauren managed to tear herself away from the beach, pulling herself together long enough to find her way home. The whole journey she was plagued by memories of Camila’s joy the night of their
first date as she’d buried her toes in the sand and felt the light sea breeze against her face. Once home, Lauren had hurried upstairs and thrown herself onto her bed, digging into her pocket for her phone and dialling Camila’s number, completely oblivious to the duration of time that had passed since they’d parted earlier.
