The Pain We Face

Mine?

I wrote this a while ago. So yeah....

you would have never guessed where she has been

that girl you see in the hallway who stands small and unseen

you almost wouldn't guess something is wrong

you can't tell at all when she laughs or sings her song

but underneath her always long sleeves

bracelets and watches are not what you see

white scars long and thick are what cover her wrists

the pinker ones the newest of slits.

they have built up over a period of time

with each drop of blood a reminder of of her climb

up the hill called Recovery that never seems to end

Never quite living up to the message she sends

She wants people to believe her lies

people to believe her when she tells them "I'm fine"

But that is harder at night when the memories come

hitting her like bricks that come by the ton

she wishes that she could go and redo that night

and never go back, or put on a better fight

but for her that genie in a bottle won't come

won't come and and give her her wish just like that said and done

she thought that what happened that night was deserved

but really was only just a dangerous curve

in the road of life we must all drive

no matter how broken you are, beaten and deprived

"a drowning man can't save himself" is a saying once said

"No" she replies "but can learn to swim before he is dead"

and swimming is exactly what she has done

learning to stay afloat at the point of a gun

behind the trigger is an expectant world

who don't want to deal with the stories untold.

One night she comes home and realizes what she's done

She dresses in nice clothes and ties her hair in a bun

she heads to the basement and finds her dads gun

then heads outside to see the sun

She looks around at the world around

and thinks of her family, her friends, the town

then memories come back of all the pain she has caused

with fluid motions quick, without pause

loads the gun with the hands of death.

She shuts her eyes and holds her breath

and as she pulls the trigger she hears a scream

and realizes it possesses her own name

her hand moves and the bullet goes astray

she falls to the ground but she will live another day

her mother stands by her car motionless like clay

but then runs to her daughter guilty and distraught

to the hospital down the road was where the girl was brought

locked in a room no bigger than a shed

she was safe, alone wishing she was dead

she tore at her sheets until they were shreds

and made a noose that was hung over her head

she looked one last time at the dull gray walls

waiting for a nurse to come in to make her deadly fall

when the door opened she didn't even think to look

and hung herself hanging from the window hook

she died right there but not by a nurse

but by her mother who realized that things could get worse

this was the end for the girl and her life

but the emptiness tore at her mother every day and night

it tore at her friends and filled the town with freight

nobody saw it, nobody could see

that someone could hide their problems so easily

turns out later after reading her diary

she was attacked at a sleepover but her pain not priority

so she pushed the thoughts to the back of her mind

and left it up to the world to think things were fine

even though the girl ended her own life

she died not knowing her words were like a knife

a stab at her mother's heart who would move on

but her actions killed the ones around her with words not knives

so think about the ones who care about you before you take your life

because there are people out there that care

to find them though you might have to dare

but when you find them they are with you forever

and leaving you they will never

your words are not nothing they are worse than a knife

and will kill the ones who love you when you take your own life.