Behind the Curtains

+Ten+

The next few weeks were fairly shaky. Sarah had to take over for lighting, despite Annabelle still showing up for work every day. Jeff practically begged her to stay home, stating that she needed a breather because of what happened, but she wouldn’t hear it.
“If I stay home by myself, I’m gonna go crazy thinking about it and it’ll just throw me into a downward spiral. If I’m here every day with all of you, I’ll be able to focus on something else and recover faster. I’m going.”
“If it’s a matter of distractions, I’ll just buy you a cat and you can focus on raising it.”
“Babe, I’d just bring the cat into work.”
“No you wouldn’t.”
“Oh, really? Try me, Blim.”
~~~~~~~~~~~
The small black kitten peeking out of Annabelle’s sweatshirt pocket swatted at the curtain that was just barely beyond its reach, then made an attempt to eat the script in her hand.
“Squishy, stop it!” she whispered harshly, moving the papers beyond his reach. Matt laughed a bit to himself, thoroughly amused.
“You named your cat Squishy?”
“Kinda just the first thing that popped into my head. It kind of suits him.”
“It kind of does, yea. So, for the split personality bit, you were saying…”
“Oh, right. Yea, I was just thinking making it a little bigger might add do it, and I know it’s different in the script, but maybe that little moment of silence, could be followed by Dylan saying something like, ‘Ok, jesus christ, I don’t know what's going on here’? Obviously just a small thought, and you can totally ignore me here. I don’t exactly have the right to change the script.”
“No, that might be funny. We should try it. Hey guys, can we take it from Jeff’s murderer monologue really quickly? I wanna test something out.”
Jeff, Dylan, and Rachael made their way onto the stage and set up for the scene they were about to run, Jeff giving Annabelle’s arm a quick squeeze and kissing her cheek as he walked by. She quickly escaped to a seat in the back of the theatre to see how the scene would look with her changes. Jaime took the seat next to her and waited before speaking.
“I apologize for bringing this up, but I just wanted to check in on you and see how you're holding up. You've seemed much better, but lord knows that's easy to fake when it'll make everyone happy,” she asked, keeping her voice to a whisper. Annabelle features hardened, even visible in the dark of the theatre.
“It's been hard, but I've got plenty to distract me, which has definitely been helpful. The cat helps, too. I hate to admit you're right, but I'm really not doing as well as they believe. I can't even sleep most nights. I can still feel it all. It's just- I thought i was depressed before, but it feels so much worse now.”
“I don't think anyone expects you to be doing well after that. You can loosen yourself a little. Cry when you need to, and take a step back from trying to keep control over your emotions. Just let things come naturally. Let me know if you need anything, ok hon? No matter what or when, I'll be there.” Jaime squeezed her arm and smiled a bit to her before leaving her to her own thoughts in the dark.
~~~~~~~~
Annabelle wasn't lying when she said that she said she couldn't sleep most nights. They were restless, anxious, nightmare-filled nights that she couldn't quite fill. She had tried painting, watching T.V., even taking sleep meds, but not much helped. She tried her best to keep from waking up Jeff, but she couldn't do anything about the nights she woke up screaming.
“Hey, sweetheart, it's ok. It's ok, I'm right here with you. Nothing can hurt you, ok? You're safe at home, in bed, with me. You're alright, Annabelle. Deep breaths,” he cooed, pulling her into his chest. His hand made small circles on her back in an attempt to calm her.
“Fuck, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up. I couldn't help it. I'm sorry. I-”
“Hey hey hey, it's ok. Just breathe, baby. You need to breathe…”
“God, I wish I wasn't like this. I wish I could just forget it and stop having a breakdown over every little thing. Christ, I hate this. I should just go stay out on the couch. You have a show tomorrow, I can't keep waking you up like this…”
“I am not gonna let you spend the night alone in the living room. I'll stay up with you all night if I have to. You're working tomorrow, too. I'll just get us both coffee on the way there and in between shows. It'll be fine. Right now, though, how about we make some popcorn and watch a movie? Maybe some hot chocolate?”
“Ok. Yea, let's do that.”
~~~~~~~~
The theatre filled up quickly, everyone in the audience whispering their excitement to each other. Annabelle, having finished the last of her coffee an hour beforehand, was practically falling asleep in the booth. Jeff hadn't had time in between shows to bring her another one. The one thing that woke her up was a knock on the doorway, and a familiar face peeking in.
“Wow, you are really falling asleep in here Fischbach. Here, hope this helps. Jeff texted me last second to bring this for you and said to apologize for not being able to do it himself,” Darren said, handing her the large cup of hot coffee. She smiled tiredly at him and stood to give him a hug.
“Thank you. It's so nice to see you. I'm glad you could make it. I didn't think you would,” she confessed, taking a sip from the cup. She sat back down in her seat, coaxing Darren into the booth and out of the way of the aisle.
“You know I never miss a Starkid show if I can help it. I see you've moved up in the world, little techie,” he teased.
“Oh, yea. I got my first tech job in Peoria after Starship, then Matt asked me to come back and help with this, so here I am.”
“Well that's really great. I'm glad you could come back. I've missed seeing you around, and I'm sure everyone else has too. Talk to you after the show, Fischbach. Kick ass.” Darren gave a quick wink before leaving the booth and taking his seat in the audience.
“Yep… gonna kick ass…”