Dale, Gypsy and I walked- or well gypsy wheeled to our master babysitting gig. We always had babysat Greg Heffley as he had gotten older, Susan and Frank trusted us for some reason. Also, it gave us a chance to smell Rodricks dirty underwear.
"What's up Susan!" I smiled as she swung open the door, she seemed dazzled by our outfits. We tried to play it cool in case Rodrick came home, we didn't want to scare him away with his own merch.
"Well hello girls! And who might this be?" She smiled, opening the door further and welcoming us into her home.
"Oh I'm gypsy-" Gypsy began, but I cut her off.
"That's our new crippled friend." I smiled, then threw my bag down as a scowl crossed Gypsy's face.
"Well isn't that nice, you're so charitable." Susan said. "Well, Frank and I are off!" Frank winked at Gyspsy who wet herself as he shut the door behind them. I set down the jacket to reveal a crop top and a skort mini skirt, while Dale took off her overcoat to reveal her pasties and Gstring.
Gyspsy gasped, Damn, I overdressed- you're so thicc Dale." She grinned and stared at Dales ass again.
I scrunched of my nose and Dale covered her bare ass with her hands. "Greg!" I called out and our friend, followed by his Friend Rowley ran down the stairs.
"What's up!" Greg said, zipping up his fly.
"Hey guys, wanna listen to my new Joshie CD?" Rowley asked.
"Fuck no little kid." Dale said, then laughed and out in her own iPod shuffle. Old Town Road started blasting throughout the house. Rowley screamed, "DANCE PARTY!" Then began the Macarena. Dale joined in and her flappy skin swayed to the beat. Gypsy did her best to follow from her chair.
I went into the Kitchen and heard a knock from the black door. Who could it be? I quickly walked over and swung open the door to reveal the weird neighbor Fregley.
"Is gregory home?" He asked, picking his nose.
"Yeah why?" I asked, doing my best to cover my tits. He really. put me on edge.
"Oh- because if he's home I have no chance to sneak up into the attic to watch Rodrick sleep through a hole I drilled in the ceiling." Fregley crossed his arms grumpily.
"Hey kid-" I whispered, feeling bad. "From one Rodrick fan to another, I let you go for it." I watched his clap his ass cheeks and zoom past me, his newest taxidermy project under his arm. He also trailed jelly beans from his pockets. I took a beer from the fridge, then left the back door open and walked back into the living room- suddenly the music stopped.
I hurried, worried I had missed the dance party and stopped in my tracks, beer bottle slamming into the ground near my feet and shattering- leaving corona splattering every around me. There he was, is all his glory- Rodrick Heffley was standing in between the cripple and Dale and Greg and Rowley and Fregley, in the middle of the living room, with Dales Ipod Shuffle in his hand.
"This song sucks ass." He said, ruffling his hair. my heart melted as he looked at the mess I made. I felt a wetness grow in my pants as well, it could be the Corona I wasn't sure. His shirt lifted in the breeze from the ceiling fan. I saw his rib bones and fupa. His skinny body was no match for Dales enormous thighs. She could take him down in a second, then he would be ours forever. But all she did was stand as stare like the rest of us.
"Hello? Am I speaking to a bunch of fucking vegetables? No offense-" He finished pointing to Gypsy Rose, but she seemed just as intrigued as we were.
Greg, being his brother was the first to speak, "Rodrick go back to your BU$$Y band."
"Shut the fuck up you little asshat." Rodrick screamed, smashing Dales ipod shuffle in the process. Sexy ass veins were popping out of his neck. I felt my heart flutter.
Fregley whined and wet his pants. He quickly began to cry as Rodrick gave him a dirty look. "Why is Fregley here?" Rodrick asked, "and why is no one watching Manny?"
"Oh poop!" Rowley stood up, being the only one to actually care where Manny was. That schizophrenic hoe was no one to be found.
"Well, I hate to leave the freak show, but I have to shower." Rodrick cracked his knuckles. "I had a pretty solid band rehearsal." He winked at Fregley who proceeded to faint.
Rodrick smelled like Old Spice, Long Lasting Stick, Pure Sport (which is funny because he can't even hold a ball other than his own (singular)) High Endurance Anti Perspirant and Deodorant. I know this because I bought it after smelling him from across the town one morning.
I watched as he strode off and up the stairs. We all made eye contact and I watched as Greg and Rowley groaned, knowing what was going through our minds. I grabbed Dales hand and we left Gyspsy in the dust as we raced up the stairs, a very wet Fregley on our heels.
We stopped just outside the bathroom door as we heard the water turn on and Rodrick sing his steampunk music on the top of his lungs. Faintly underneath the sound of Rodricks terrible vocal chords, I heard a small shriek.
"Manny!" Rowley voice came from downstairs. I groaned knowing know I would have to get the kid and I couldn't join Dale and Fregley at the Rodrick watch party.
I slowly walked down the stairs, not caring what trouble that psycho bitch Manny was in. Why can't these goddamn kids take care of themselves.
"Zoo Wee Mama!" Rowley screamed from the basement. Greg met me at the bottom of the stairs and
