w o n d e r s ➣ bbh

✨w o n d e r s✨

Arms leaning on the windowsill, an extremely soft and gentle breeze caressed your cheeks, proceeding to rustle nicely through the strands of your hair. Outside, the sun shone ever so brightly, it's vitalizing light gave any trees and plants a more vibrant and lively color. The scenery reflected limpidly on your blank and lifeless eyes.

You had never once in your life thought that you'd be here, in a hospital room, feeling obnoxiously jealous of everyone and anything that was outside these four walls. Compared to your location, there was life outside, no matter where you looked, you'd be met with a different color splashing into the palette of your life. That reality could never compare to the white box you were living in, the white sheets of your hospital bed couldn't even equal to the slightly tickly but soft feel of the healthy, green grass under your skin.

It pained you to think that there was a chance that you'd never get a taste of the fresh scent of nature or more, get to run your fingers across the beige walls of your longed home, tears welled at the corner of your eyes when you wondered whether you'd really never get to step back inside your own house. Teeth dug into your lip, what would it become of you if you were to stay in your room and breath disinfectant for the rest of your life?

The strongest part of you surrendered to this dull destiny that consisted of different nurses and the same doctor coming into your room every day to give you your meals and daily check-ups. But the calm and accepting part of you was slowly starting to suppress under an exploding frustration, the roots intertwining around of your heart were starting to catch fire, burning all of your humble self into ashes, until there was none of it left. While the four white walls consumed you, you felt yourself become more and more of the same, dull material of your depression.

Leaning away from the windowsill, you let your back sink into the clothed mattress, a sigh leaving automatically your lips as if you had been straining yourself by just watching the world outside. It exasperated you. Your medical condition was making you become a whole different person, or at least, that was what it felt like. You had never been so tired, so lifeless. Hence, you remembered yourself as a cheerful person whos favorite thing was to make your friends laugh and smile. But you had no energy left in your bones, there was no will power left inside of you, all you did was sitting, wrapped in those white sheets. It was like someone had ripped a plant off the ground and accidentally gotten the root along too, giving it no chance to ever grow back again. Empty. You felt empty.

You had always thought that it wouldn't be worth it to try to make things different. It wasn't like things were going to get better anyways. People said that smiling would, in the end, heal your hurt soul, and for a while, you believed that. Seeing others give you back that sweet smile of yours, it did help you. It made your heart bloom all over again as if there would be a flower growing out of the snow. You couldn't deny it. And yet, when your conditions started to worsen, the smiles on their faces started to look forced, hurt, sad, until they were nothing but a brokenhearted frown. When things had looked like that, there had no longer been a single muscle in your body that wanted to curl your lips into another forced smile, for that would cut you even deeper.

Letting go of your many thoughts, you brought your gaze around the room, not that you would find anything new, but somehow, those bottled feelings of exasperation and loneliness started to develop into a will of change, a strong, strong urge to do something different, it wouldn't matter whether it'd be bad, wrong or right, you had to do something, and now. For some reason, your eyes landed on a bottle of soap placed next to the water tap. You lifted a cocky brow at the sudden thought that had just passed your mind but didn't refuse it. In a swift movement, your hands had already swung the cover off your legs and your knees were bending over the bed, feet dangling slightly while you lowered them to the ground.