When Music Collides

chapter 3

The next day at school, I try to hide the pain covering my body, hoping no one will ask about my face. Paige doesn't say anything, she knows exactly what happened just by looking at me. She's the only person I've ever told about my home life. In dance, I kept flinching every time the pain became overbearing and too much to handle. Max stays quiet; I really want to know what he's thinking. He doesn't talk to me all day, finally after school, he asks me to stay with him, reluctantly, I agree. Once we are completely alone, he turns to me and asks, "D-d-did he hit you because he saw me?" his voice is quiet and shaky, I can tell he's really worried and it almost sounds like he's trying not to cry. I have to be imagining things. I look him in the eyes and say, "Max, nothing happened because of you, the beatings are routine." He takes my hand with his and says, "No one should ever lay a hand on you." I smile, "You have a hand on me." I say, trying to lighten up the mood. It works, thankfully. He smiles and laughs. "You know what I mean" he says, serious once more. "Yeah" I say, "Yeah, I do." He pulls out the sheet music from choir and begins to practice; his voice is that of an angel. He asks me to sing along, so I do. Making sure my voice sounds good and I don't mess up, but the more I think about it, the closer I am to it. I do mess up the words a few times, but I don't care, my voice was still gold.

Max and I talk a while and laugh until I realize it's late and I start having a panic attack.

Max hugs me and tries to calm me down, it does nothing. It's late and my father will have been either getting home from work or the bar and my mother has probably been worried, if she even still cares. But I'm worried dad will take his anger out on her instead of me. I'd rather be hurt than watch someone I care about be hurt. I'm glad I'm an "only" child so no one else has to be hurt....and I tell this to Max, then I pause, and say "only isn't full the truth, I have 1 sister and 1 brother, my sister, Piper, is 18 and moved out right away and hasn't come back or tried to make contact, she's too scared of our father. And my brother is 3...I don't know when I'll ever see him again, but child services took him away when dad got into a car accident and nearly killed him. My brother, Phillip, was in a coma for over a month. We didn't think he would make it, the accident happened because dad was drunk...child services put him in foster care. I wasn't so lucky."

Max just stares and I see a couple tears drip down his eyes, I don't get why though. It's my life, not his. I don't realize I'm crying until he wipes the tears off my cheeks, which makes me cry harder. Through sobs I choke out, "I've been strong for so long, it feels so good to cry, if I cry during the beatings I get beat harder until I stop because 'crying is a sign of weakness' as my dad says. I couldn't even cry when I lost my brother, if I did, I got beat, almost killed...Max, I don't know how to go home anymore, I'm scared...something I never thought I would admit, even to myself.." Max holds me close and pulls me into his lap and says, "Don't go home." I pull back in disbelief, "and where the hell would I go?" he pulls me close so I have to be against him, "with me, come live with me, my mother would love to take you in, she's always wanted a daughter." I shake my head, "I don't know." I say, "What about your dad?" His grip loosens and he looks hurt, "Dad walked out a couple years ago, hasn't made contact since and wiped himself off the earth from us, all I got from my grandma, his mom, was that he changed his name and got with a stripper and won't even contact her...Its fucked up."

I smile at him and say, "Guess both our lives are fucked up...ha that felt weird, I've never swore before, guess there's a first for everything and I'll stay with you tonight, I need time to think." He looks relieved yet disappointed, "You're goofy" he says, "I want you to know you can always stay with me, forever, I'm here and not going anywhere. I would NEVER lay a hand to a girl, especially a sweet one that I care about." It's hard to think he's not a player, with how my life has been, I really feel that he is, but I could be wrong, yet I've just opened myself up to him more than I ever have even to myself and I'm terrified to be hurt. Tired of being hurt. What if he's just like everyone else, a user and an abuser? Should I open myself up to him...or should I run. I wish I were a mind reader, life would be so much easier then. I want to like Max and I want to believe he likes me, but I'm too scared he will just use everything against me and toss me away like garbage.

Finally, I realize Max's mom has driven up and he's talking to her and they're staring at me, guess I've been thinking too long. I get up and slowly walk over to them. His mother is beautiful, just like him. He looks just like her. She has a bright smile and looks young; Max did say he was born when his mom was 15. Not much younger than I. It makes me wonder what it's like to be a parent, and so young too. I would never hurt my kids and I don't understand how anyone can not care about their kids or can hurt them. The world is cruel and I've gotten the big end of things. I get in the car and make small talk with Max's mom, or Abby, she wants me to call her by her 1st name, it feels awkward, but I'll get used to it I guess. I mean this could be my future home, just the thought of that makes me nervous, scared, and excited. I don't know exactly how to feel, but I know tomorrow I have to go home and hopefully things won't go as bad as they could, but in my life it'll probably be worse than anything I can think of.

It takes about 15 minutes to get to their house. It's a nice house, small, but pretty and well maintained. Max's m-Abby, apologizes for the house being so small and tells me I can sleep in Max's room (with Max. is she crazy, he's a teenage boy and I'm a girl. That sounds horrible) or the couch in the family room. I choose the couch because I figured that is the safest choice. Abby is asleep and I assume Max is yet I'm still up worrying about what I'm doing, If I made the right decision, if Max even cares about me, what my dad is doing, and what will tomorrow bring. Then I look at the clock and realize tomorrow is today, it's 3:07 a.m. and now I'm crying. I'm so scared and I feel safe here, I've never felt safe anywhere before. This is all new and I realize I'm crying tears of joy and feel this need to see Max...i'm letting myself accept that I like him. And he just may like me too. I creep down the hall towards his room, hoping I don't wake Abby. His light is off and I don't hear anything so I guess he's sleeping. I should turn back and try to get sleep myself, but I don't. Something wills me further and pulls me closer. I slowly turn the knob, my heart racing a mile a minute. Why is my heart racing? It's not like I'm robbing a bank. But I am walking into a bedroom, a guy's bedroom, and not just any guy, maybe my guy...I shake the thought away, I can't will myself to let him in just yet.

I start opening the door and it creaks, I hold my breath and once I'm in I let out a sigh of relief that I didn't wake him up. I can't help but stare at him; he looks so peaceful and beautiful. He's smiling in his sleep, maybe he's dreaming of me? That's a far stretch to even want.

He's lying on his back and I try to shake myself out of my thoughts so I don't seem like a creeper if he wakes up and sees me just staring at him. I'm not too sure as to why I'm in here; I realize I'm still crying, but these are tears of joy. I realize, I loved being in Max's arms and I want to be in them once more. The closer I study him, I see he's only in a pair of boxers and man does he look good. His abs are perfect. I need to stop gawking. I don't know what I'm to do now that I made it in the room. I want to turn and run from embarrassment, but what I do next, surprises me more than anything ever will.