Redamancy

1

I locked the flimsy wood door of our one
bedroom apartment and checked the windows one last time before laying down on my mattress in our "living room" and attempted to sleep. I live with only my mother here; she works nights at a diner not too far down the street, not that I could know for sure, I haven't left this apartment since birth. I'm 17 now so I thought maybe I could get a job to help my mom out, maybe then we could live a little more comfortably but she won't let me under any circumstances.

"It's not you I don't trust out there it's the people." She always says to me seeing that I live only a block down from the boundary. The boundary is one long concrete wall that is hundreds of feet high and still has barbed wire at the top. It has two tall side-by-side doors that open only when important people from the bad side come to talk to important people from my side, they are always escorted through a special trail in big vehicles that my mother could never ever afford. I've always wondered what it was like being important and having money and other people around all the time. It sounds luxurious.

Ive never wanted to leave my apartment to be honest; I'm too small compared to everyone else. We may be the good side but there are still bad people here. I do want a job which means I would have to leave and I'm always aware of that. I'm here by myself most of the time and when I'm not my mom's sleeping because she worked all night and has to do the same when she gets up.

I guess things would've been easier if my father hadn't left, quite selfish if you ask me. He was mean to us anyways, and he was so angry all the time. He made money of course but he spent the majority of it down at the liquor store. Eventually he found another younger woman and left my mom for her. It may sound terrible to say but I'm glad he did, he made my mother sad a lot of the time and I'll always remember the time he hit her but she forgave him because she said it made her stronger. He always smoked as well and I always thought it would be the cause of his death, but I never got to see if I were right because one morning I woke up and my mom was crying and he wasn't there. Even someone as young as I was could solve the puzzle. We've done alright without him, we're both still alive and together, that's what counts.

We can't afford many things. Like electricity or heat. We have water and this apartment and if we're lucky we have a meal. I guess things could be better but it's all I've known growing up so I can live with it. Boredom does take toll the majority of my day but I find some ways to entertain myself. Whether it's cleaning or napping they seem to do the job. My mom has always said I was like my dad before he got sad. But I never knew him happy.

We were one of the few dysfunctional families over here. Most families have enough money to eat properly and live properly - on this side anyways. My mom's always told me on the bad side people are horrid. There is no such thing as friends or family there's just themselves, she said people do bad things to each other or innocent people for money instead of being an honest worker. People there are like my dad after he got sad but ten times worse. They drink a lot and they hit each other and they do drugs and they sell themselves. The horror stories used to keep me up when I was younger.

Sometimes, when our side wants to keep everything at peace and have to not get thrown over by the bad side we are forced to give something up. And our leaders give anything up. Whether it be a large sum of money or a large amount of substances that are illegal over here. My point is, the leaders on the other side of that wall always get what they want. They aren't sophisticated, educated men like our leaders. They're all of the scariest human beings that get their leadership because of how dangerous they can be. My mother told me of one that everyone just calls "Styles", apparently it's his surname.

She says he's the youngest of them all but he's also the most intimidating.

"He's a sociopath, meaning he has no conscience,he could kill someone while smiling just for the thrill and not have any second thoughts, other girls on our side and the other find it attractive, I find it sickening. He's a bag of dirt." I remember her telling me of some rumors about him, hot blood and such, I've always just assumed it's girls getting knotted stomachs over him.