*Inspired by the On Izleme for Bolum 40*
Inspo Playlist:
Grow A We Go - Ben Platt
Already Gone - Sleeping At Last
Elephants - Rachael Yamagata
Lonely - Yael Naim
Arctic - Sleeping At Last
Can I Stay - Ray LaMontagne
Once Upon Another Time - Sara Bareilles
How could you?
Her words echoed his ears. He truly didn’t know who she was anymore. That thought hurt him more than anything. Her wrist slipping from his hand, her little fists hitting his chest, those didn’t hurt this much.
He took a step back to keep himself in one piece.
“You can go. If you want.”
He didn’t want her to go, even though the pain she was inflicting on him was nearly unbearable. He stuck his hand in the fire to save her notebook, and that was merely physical pain. He unconsciously rubbed the scars on his knuckles. He was willing to walk through fire for her again.
She didn’t say anything, just looked at him. He saw conflict in her eyes, and tears threatening to fall. He remembered telling her that his heart smashed to smithereens whenever she was sad. It was still true.
He knew she was scared, that she wanted to run from him, but he couldn’t bear to see her like this and do nothing. He slowly moved to sit on the end of the bed, next to but still away from her. She didn’t flinch when he settled down, but followed him with her eyes the whole time. He didn’t risk touching her, even though he desperately wanted to.
“I shouldn’t have chased after you. I shouldn’t have grabbed you like that. It was inexcusable.” She already thought the worst of him, but he needed to get this apology out.
She looked between his eyes for a moment, deciphering his sincerity, before giving him a small nod.
“I should have tried waking you. You aren’t late for anything are you?” Time to change the subject.
She shook her head. “No.”
“You aren’t hurt? I mean, you feel okay?” Old habits die hard.
She shook her head slowly then quickly switched to nodding. “I’m fine, now.”
“We’re still docked. I can walk you out if…” Don’t be afraid of me. Please trust me. Please don't go yet...
She nodded again. “That would be nice, thank you.”
He swallowed hard, preparing himself to watch her walk away from him again.
She stood up carefully, she didn’t have her sea legs. He quickly rose from the bed, prepared to catch her if she should get knocked over by a rogue wave or her own clumsiness. Her head turned to watch him, as if on guard for any kind of touch. He extended his arm in a gentlemanly gesture for her to go before him.
Luckily the cabin was small, it was only a few steps through the galley and out onto the deck, because she needed to brace herself on walls and railings just to get that far. It was a testament to his seafaring ways that he was able to walk from the dock to his bedroom with his hands full of unconscious girl. His hands were going to be full of unconscious girl again if he didn’t watch her closely. The deck was wet from overspray of waves crashing against the hull, and she almost fell the moment she stepped foot above deck. His hand snaked out of its own accord to grasp her elbow. He was still having trouble controlling his body’s impulses.
He was concerned that she would be angry with him or pull away in fear. When she looked over at him in surprise and relief, the long dormant flame of hope was sparked. He should have put the wall back up, the one she broke down the second he saw her sitting there on the pier. But something in his gut told him not to. It was telling him to keep his heart open. Something deep down inside was telling him that she was going to need him, and that there was no use in running or building walls.
He acknowledged that he was going to need her too, that is, if she let him in her life at all. He maintained his grip on her elbow as they crossed the deck, only letting go so she could walk down the gangplank to the dock. Time slowed as he watched her look down at her feet, her hair falling in her face a little. She was sad and scared and not herself, but at the same time there was something so free about her now. It was like she had let go of other people’s perceptions of her and decided to be exactly who she wanted to be. And he so admired her.
He didn’t know how far he should go with her. Did he stay onboard and wave her off? Did he walk her home? He ended up only walking beside her until the end of the pier.
“I-” He didn’t know what to say, or how to start. “I guess you know where I live now.”
She looked up from watching her feet.
He turned to face the sea, face her. She stood still, facing land, facing him.
“I mean, I’ll still be here for a while. I’m visiting my dad, and Emre.”
“Okay.”
No guts no glory.
“My number is still the same. I turned my local phone back on.” If you need anything...
She stood very still and looked at him very directly.
After a moment she nodded faintly, then looked back down at her feet and stepped off the dock and onto dry land.
End Note:
I didn't know how to end this, so I am leaving on an ellipsis.
To be continued...
*COMPLETED*
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Lonely
Fanfiction*COMPLETED* *Inspired by the On Izleme for Bolum 40* Inspo Playlist: Grow A We Go - Ben Platt Already Gone - Sleeping At Last Elephants - Rachael Yamagata Lonely - Yael Naim Arctic - Sleeping At Last Can I Stay - Ray LaMontagne Once Upon Another Tim...
