Saving Trevor

Years

"Whatever it is I promise it won't matter next week," I hear next to me as I sit in an almost empty bar mourning in a cup of gin.

Turning I look at the man talking not expecting him to look as good as he does, a smile so comforting even at my lowest low just his smile was enough for a small relief. "What?" I ask finally able to stop staring

"I just mean if you're gonna sit in a cop bar and sulk about whatever's got you looking like that, someone should remind you that it's probably not worth it."

"This isn't a—" I look around and wow every person in here including him looks exactly like a cop, "this is a cop bar" I snort. "I've honestly never noticed"

"That's actually a good thing" he pulls out the stool next to me sitting down, "so what is bothering you?"

Smiling and trying to be as nice as possible I reply, "um thanks for the advice officer..." I wait for him to say his name

"Detective Joshua Barry," he introduces himself

"It's really nice to meet you, detective, but I'd really like to be left alone."

"Fair enough" he stands, before he walks away he slides his card on the bar top towards me and says, "just in case you ever need a cop."

I wish I could say I wasted more tears on Trevor but the drive home was so clear, why was that so easy? Trevor just ruined us, I should be infuriated but I'm not.

Getting home I park next to Josh's car walking into our house, dropping my keys next to his I take my shoes and jacket off. It's all a mess because of the wedding planning but we're choosing to ignore it. Walking into our room I see his badge on his nightstand, and the shower's going off. Taking my clothes off I walk to the bathroom and pull the curtain

When he sees me he smiles, "hey you"

"Hi" I reply and he takes my hand pulling me in the tub to join him. We stand in front of each other and he brings his wet body closer until our lips touch. He always says the best part of his day is coming home to kiss me, after a stressful day, after kissing he moves me under the water. "How was your day?" I ask as Joshua washes my hair for me

"Not bad I got to interview a prostitute for one of my cases, and she said I'd make a great pimp."

"It's not a lie" I reply smiling, "you have a great pimping face" I say making him laugh

"You think so?" I nod "wow am I in the wrong profession? Should I just quit my day job?"

"Yes but keep the handcuffs," Joshua laughs again.

Looking over at the clock on my nightstand I read the time, it's 3 AM and Joshua is completely passed out. Yet here I am wide awake realizing my mistake, was I too hard on Trevor? Maybe I could've tried to understand where he was coming from

I don't blame him for thinking I'd leave him pretty much everyone has. Because he dropped out of college his family never forgave him, and it took a lot for him to be ok again after that. The only person who still talks to him is his sister Abby. When we were kids he never left me after my dad did. I tried to do the same for him but last night went too far, I'll never be happy if he's not happy for me, it sucks but it's true.

Next morning I sit in bed tired as hell watching Josh get ready for work, "Sy?" He calls loudly walking to me

"Hm?" I snap out of it

"What's going on with you? I said your name three times" Joshua sits down next to me in bed, "are you ok?" If I say yes I'll be lying and I don't want to lie, not to him at least