Interviewer #1: *jumps on nearest desk and does chiken dance* WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Ivan: You speak russian?
SFX: UwU I didnt sign up for this...chaos...*blushes* I'm just an innocent anime chick UwU
Interviewer 2: rawr X3 nuzzles pounces on you UwU
Interviewer 1: are you dumb-d-d-d-dumb-d-d-d-dumb-d-d-d-dumb
Ivan: Eat my poop you swine!
Interviewer 1: Ivan you've got to stop pooping on the ground!
*dancing and music stops, everyone frowns*
I2: That might've been accepted in Russia but now here, you're in America now!
*Donald Trump bursts in with a double bacon cheeseburger in one hand and a gun in the other*
DT: I cannot beeelieve you idiots let a Russian dictator into my country without me! AGAIN!?
SFX: oh no :(
DT: *tearing up* You guys know how I feel so why would you even do that like...*sobbing* AAAAHHH WAHH
Ivan: I think I'm done with America...
I1: *disappears, no one notices*
I2: *crawls under desk* Itssss warm here hehe
SFX: where'd Dipstick go?
I2: who?
SFX: the other interviewer!
Ivan: I'm taking her to Russia!
*everyone looks over at Ivan to see that he is holding Dipstick by her feet*
Ivan: (borat voice) MY WIFE! I'm taking her to Russia and she will marry me!
I1: no! Let me go!
Ivan: shut up! You should be honored! Usually I don't go for the ugly ones but I need a souvenir from America.
I2: Dipstick no! *runs up to dipstick* can I say my goodbyes?
Ivan: sure
I2: oh Dipstick? We've had some great times, I'm going to miss you! I-
I1: you can literally just help me escape
I2: I just hope you can have a good life in Russia and I'll never forget you
I1: he literally let go of me...
I2: oh! The pain! I'll always remember you, and I'll remember how hard I tried to get you out of that evil man's grips!
I1: just grab my hand and run
I2: no! Don't talk! It'll only make our parting worse! Shhhh! Now... one last chiken dance?
I1: I hate you
I2: *hums the chicken dance song sadly and does the dance slowly*
Ivan: come wife! *grabs Dipstick and balances her on his head* we have a long journey back to 1570s Russia.
I1: wAit...you don't even know how to work the time machine aka THE EXTRACTOR!
Ivan: no matter
I2: well, you kinda need it to get back
Ivan: *laughs ominously* (his voice echoes and deepens, also becomes distorted) FOOLISH MORTALS
I1: what the fuck?
I2: DIPSTICK THIS IS A KID FRIENDLY TV SHOW!
I1: what the frickity frackiny ding dong dickens is goin on?
Ivan: the end is only beginning
I1: what are you-
Ivan: I shall consume this world *starts growing*
I1: I thought we were going to Russia when did you become an interdimensional, omniscient, apocalyptic being? This is a completely different storyline!
I2: yeah what crazy god-like sock is writing this script that is our lives? Our very being? Everything we know is changing and I think that we're all being controlled by an outside force, obviously a very confused one, but-
SFX: *climbing out of a cocoon on the ceiling* GuYs IvAn Is GeTtInG hUgE! What did he have for breakfast?!
*cringy laugh track*
*as they look around they see chunks of the building, desks, dust, and debris fly everywhere, almost like a tornado that they're in. And in the midst, Ivan, growing increasing in size, t-posing*
SFX: wAit where'd that laugh track come from? I'm not even at my computer? Also there was never a laugh track to begin with! Is the author just writing in random stuff to confuse us? For what? Entertainment?
DT: (in a weird accent) 'twas Ivan! I'm sure!
I1: Donald Trump? Where did you go?
DT: 'twas cryin' in te corner I was!
I1: what's with the accent? And how do u know about Ivan?
DT: *takes off mask and reveals self to be.... BRENDON URINE* don't ask questions, I'm from the future! I'm here to save y'all
I2: what the heck!
SFX: sign my right buttcheek Brendon URINE!!!
BU: no. No time
I1: guys! There's thotss crawling towards us! What are they? Where'd they come from?
SFX: ew they look like little squids! They're coming from the hallway through the door!
BU: ...haven't you people ever heard of... closing the GoD dAmN dOoR? No!
SFX: PANIC!!
I2: YES! We are panicking! There's LITTLE BABY THOT SQUIDS TRYING TO EAT US, A THICC RUSSIAN TSAR FROM THE 1500s, AND WE'RE SUDDENLY THE ONLY PEOPLE IN THIS ROOM, AND ON TOP OF THAT, BRENDON FREAKING URINE, FROM THE FUTURE, JUST PEELED OFF A DONALD TRUMP MASK AND CLAIMS HES HERE TO HELP BUT STILL HAS DONE NOTHING BUT MADE COFFEE APPEAR OUT OF NO WHERE!
BU: I'm working on it hold on
Ivan: *consumes Brendon urie* Now for the finale! *laugh*
*I1, I2, and SFX are teleported to an empty white room.*
I1: it's so peaceful in here..
I2: are you dumb d d d dumb d d d dumb d d d dumb d d d dumb d d d dumb d d d dumb?
I1: yeah dumb thicc *winks*
SFX: *strangles I1 with her hair*
*I1 collapses and dies*
SFX: I should've done that ages ago
I2: wha
SFX: haha, apologies for that you having had to be witnessing that, but there's only room for one thiccy *unmaskes self and reveals to be Moto Moto*
Chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk cc chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk Chonk chonk chonk chonk
*I2 is crying in the corner*
Moto Moto: chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonkeee boiiii chonk chonk chonk chonk c chonk chonk chonk c chonk chonk c chonk chonk c chonk chonk c chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk chunky chunky chunky big and plump babieeee gorls chonk chonk round juicy chonk chonk chonk
The entire world: *explodes*
YOU ARE READING
A Conundrum
HumorThis is whatever I want it to be. I control the story. It doesn't have to make sense or have context or a plot. So good luck
