Dear Whomever It May Concern

November 23, 1984

Dear ?,

I started therapy. I would feel fine about it if I wasn't the only one besides Will who had to. Dr. Owen said it would be a good idea to start journaling so I could get out my emotions or whatever in between sessions. I honestly don't see how it's going to help or how long i'm going to do it for since Dr.Owen is going away. He's the only doctor who knows and who we can talk about to upside down to and after him I don't know if I could go to a regular therapist without them thinking i'm absolutely nuts.

At first I thought talking to someone would make it worse, well, it did at first. Since the lab was destroyed he had to come to my house for the sessions. It was weird at first and I didn't want him to ask why my parents were never around. Thankfully he hasn't. I don't know how I would explain that. But after a three weeks of two sessions a week and some whatever pills he put me on to help sleep I've, been doing better, well overall I guess? The nightmares or night terrors Dr. Owen calls them. You know what, i'm going to call Dr. Owen, O because I don't feel like writing his name out every time, okay anyway. The 'night terrors' still happen. Almost every night. At least I can fall asleep earlier in the night but, I can't escape.

O also says that I should branch off and find new friends. I haven't talked to anyone past that week. We had a big get together but after the events, but after that the only person I've talked to is O. That might be sad but I don't think I mind? Nancy and Jonathan are together. It hurts but she didn't love me, she can't control that. It's fine, it's whatever. Well no I guess it's not exactly fine but it's better than still being with her and her still not loving me. I wonder when she stopped loving me. Or if she even did at all. And I can't crawl back to Tommy and Carol, they don't want me, they've made it pretty clear. O also says that I should get out of the house more because being at home and then school he says gets drowned out into a cycle, I need to mix it up, enjoy things. If enjoying things is sitting on top of the Quarry smoking whatever I can find is what he meant then i'm doing a great job.

I quit basketball. O said that wasn't a good choice but I hated it. I'll try to do baseball in the spring or whatever but my bruises still haven't healed all the way and I seriously just want to relax. I don't know if O wants me to show him these letters or journal entries or whatever to him but if he does then Hi O.

I don't know what i'm doing. Now or for my future. I'm supposed to graduate this year but my counselors are concerned with my grades. O said he could pull some strings and help but he said it's important that I put more effort into school. I might even need to get a study buddy, maybe then I could make a friend.

Sincerely, Steve.

(I like the ring of that)