In the end, Yugyeom does make tea, the same Seven Eleven tea he made me the last time we had tea together. We sit at the kitchen counter and look out the window as rain starts to fall outside.
"Hey," Yugyeom says suddenly. "It's the first day of October."
"Yeah," I say. "It is." It's silent after that.
I'm emotionally drained from the events that took place not even an hour ago. I know I shouldn't be so upset over a relationship that wasn't good for anything, and yet here I am moping.
Yugyeom stirs a spoon in his tea, humming lowly under his breath. It's now that I notice just how lovely he is, with his brown eyes cast down into his mug, his eyelashes fanning out onto the tops of his cheeks and his face is relaxed, a sharp contrast from how it is most of the time.
"Do you have any siblings?" Yugyeom looks up at me "Siblings."
"Yeah. Brothers or sisters."
He looks back down. "Yeah," He says. "A brother." He looks out the window at the pouring rain and sighs.
"How old is he?"
" I don‘t remember," He answers. He chews on his lip as he looks back at me. "I haven't seen him in three years."
Feeling like I've hit a nerve, I back down. "Oh."
"What about your brother?"
I frown. "What about him?"
"How old is she?"
"He's...twenty four."
"Twenty four."
I nod. "I haven't seen him in a year."
"Why not?"
"Because he hates me."
Yugyeom looks like he wants to ask me more, but he doesn't, to my surprise. I swallow the rest of my tea and stand.
"Thanks for the tea," I say.
Yugyeom takes my mug and puts it in the dishwasher, nodding. "You don't want to stay?" I shake my head and look at the floor.
"Y/N." I look up, meeting his gaze.
"Are you sure you're going to be okay?"
I shrug, looking to the floor as he steps toward me, tugging me by the arm until my face is resting against his chest in a gentle embrace.
Tears slip out of my eyes and roll down my cheeks. This is the third time I've cried in front of Yugyeom, and I feel just as horrible about it as the other two times. I hate feeling this way, and displaying it in front of Yugyeom seems to make it worse.
I feel his warm palm soothingly rub my back as he whispers, "shh" into my hair. I don't want to be crying over Jb, I don't want to cry over the downfall of a bad relationship.
"You‘re all right. Y/N," Yugyeom says quietly and I pull away, nodding as I wipe the tears from my face. Yugyeom rests his hands on my shoulders. trying to catch my eye.
"I'm sorry," I mutter.
"Don't be," Yugyeom says. "It's all right to cry."
I nod again and he lets his hands fall from my shoulders, instead stuffing them into his pockets as he leans back against the counter behind him.
I take a few deep breaths and Yugyeom watches me, his brow furrowed and his eyes sympathetic. The brown pigment in his irises seem to hold some sort of empathy that intrigues me as well as breaks my heart.
"Did you love him?" Yugyeom's deep voice breaks the silence.
"Jb?" He nods.
I lower my gaze. "No," I say quietly. "I've never been in love."
"You're lucky."
I lock eyes with him. "You've been in love?"
Yugyeom takes a breath before turning his head to look out the window. He nods slightly.
"What happened?" I dare to ask.
"Nothing," He says.
"Come on, it had to be something," I say, raising an eyebrow.
"That's just it, though." He says, almost sadly. "Nothing happened." He smiles sadly.
"I'm sure you'll find someone new to love," I say to him.
Yugyeom laughs dryly. "Love is abstract," He says. "It brings nothing but trouble." He laughs again and runs his tongue over his teeth.
An overwhelming sense of sadness engulfs me at that moment, for us both. Yugyeom for losing love and refusing to believe in it anymore, and me, for being afraid of being without someone else. It seems that we're opposites-tragic opposites.
"Yugyeom," I say and he looks back at me. I take a breath.
"I know it doesn't seem like it at times, but I'm really glad I met you."
A small smile crosses Yugyeom's face. "Believe it or not, the feeling is mutual."
I leave Yugyeom's apartment shortly after. So many aspects of my life have changed in the short month I've been in Portland-l‘ve gone from (almost) loving to hating Jb, and hating Yugyeom to, welI-not hating him.
I realize I didn't tell Yugyeom that I'm going to New York. It should be good to get out of town for a few days to escape the drama of Jb and Alec. I walk into my bedroom and haul my suitcase down from my closet. Maybe this won't be so bad, just as long as I don't reopen old scars with my brother.
