The Deer

When I was five there was a small farm just outside our town. One day a doe and her fawn were crossing the road and the mama deer was hit by a car. The horses in the pasture took in the fawn and raised it and its whole life it thought it was a horse. It became a sort of local legend, the deer who thought it was a horse. Occasional stories in the papers were printed when the news was slow, and the farmers who owned the pasture were often interviewed on the deer's progress. Then one day it jumped the fence and was hit by the mail truck. People were devastated over that dumb, sweet deer. Some people still come and pin wreaths or poorly-made crosses to the fence. When something pretty dies we can't help ourselves, we are compelled to mourn and have a look while the whole mess unfolds.

They found her body on a Wednesday, and the news ran over us like a mean, cresting wave. Some of us moved as if through thick mud while others flitted around like hummingbirds on ecstasy. Dazed or hyperactive, we slumped down the halls, back and forth from class to gym to lunch and then back to class. Some of us wept openly, from grief or maybe just from seeing the upheaval of normality, our happy high school lives brazenly interrupted by death. 
I heard about it during Civics class, 2nd period, Mr. Branson came in quietly and whispered gently to Ms. Klein, who gasped, putting a hand to her throat. He whispered something else and she nodded fervently. Mr. Branson patted her shoulder awkwardly and stepped forward.


"Uh-hum, it, ah, I'm sorry to have to bring this news here to you. Just this morning we received a report that your classmate, Samantha Hughes, has been found, dead. I know this- "At this point the classroom was overcome with noise: gasps, cries, swears. Mr. Branson went on.
"... Is a great blow to many of you. We all knew Samantha, and whether we were close to her or not she will be missed. Classes have been excused for the day, we have grief counselors waiting for any of you who feel the need to talk to someone about your feelings. I'm so sorry to have to break this news to you like this. It feels... very impersonal and I know some of you were close with her." Ms. Klein, who was crying softly, dismissed class and we shuffled out, buzzing like flies. I met Ayana and Destiny at the vending machines, Destiny was shaking and Ayana just stared at the floor.


"Let's get out of here." We walked over to Derby Park. We were mostly silent, as we walked, Kristen Rhys joined us, crying. Destiny hugged her and they both just stood there, crying and hugging. 


"I can't believe it. Tonya said she went to New York. I just can't believe it," said Kristen. We stopped at a bench and Ayana started laboriously rolling a joint. 


"Who could do something like this?" Destiny asked. No one responded. Ayana and Destiny puffed on the joint, offering it to Kristen who refused.


"Tonya told me she was seeing some other guy, behind Mike's back. But Tonya never met him. She said he wasn't from school," said Kristen. Destiny and Ayana nodded disinterestedly, eyes glazing already. 


"Maybe Mike found out and got mad," she went on. 


"We don't even know what happened yet. Could have been an accident." said Destiny.


"There's no way it was Mike," said Ayana at the same time. 


"How would you know?" Kristen snapped her head up. Ayana looked defiant for a moment and then shrugged.

"Just a feeling."


"Well if not Mike, then who?"


"Well, like you said, maybe that other guy did it." Kristen made a sour face. 


"We should get going," I said, rising. The others followed. We walked back to school and said goodbye. I rode my bike home with Kristen, she lived half a block away from me. Kristen kept on and on about who did it, who was involved, how did it happen. I said goodbye to her at her house and rode home. It was a warm day. I tried to imagine what her body would look like now, after resting on the hot and rain-soggy earth for three weeks. Then I realized I didn't much care for that image. My parents were sitting on the couch, engrossed by the news, my kid brother sandwiched tightly between the two of them. When I came in my mother jumped up and ran to me, clutching me tightly.