E N J O Y Y O U R L I E | JIMIN FF

Ch. 4-Save Me

I ran away, he stayed.

I wanted to yell until completely lost my voice, he remained silent.

I wanted the truth, he wanted to repeat his lies.

And when I finally saw him again, my heart seemed much heavier and I had a hard time breathing normally.

I always wanted to wipe his precious tears away.

I wanted to console him,I wanted to save him.

When he started crying, I immediately felt the hot tears burning my eyes, too.
I cupped his face and wiped his tears off. My fingertips were ice cold on his burning, feverish skin.
He was sweaty, exhausted after their concert, still quite winded, trying to take a deep breath, but failing in the middle of his attempt. His body was shaking as he cried silently.

"I'm sorry, noona." He said, quietly. "l don't know why I'm... I-I'm not sad, so l don't know why... I tried to hold it back but I think everyone noticed it."

Another lie...

"It's okay." I said, faking a smile. "It's okay."

"You used to call me Jiminie." His voice was barely a whisper, his gaze was jumping betweern the backstage and their dressing room. He looked everywhere to avoid looking into my eyes. His fingers were hot, his touch gentle as he took my hand in his, intertwining our fingers. He pulled me into an awkward hug, keeping his arm loosely around my waist, warily, as if he was afraid of my reaction, as if he was expecting me to push him away.
But I hugged him, and I kept hugging him and hugging him, as tightly as I could, for as long as I could. I didn't want to let him go but I had to. This gesture was the only way for me to tell him how much he meant to me without words. This was the only way to make him understand how worried I was...

~Jimin went on stage~

I watched him dance to his solo song 'Lie'. It was all about him, yet so many people seemed to miss the hidden message, his cry for help between the lines.
He danced so effortlessly, all movements came to him so easily, so perfectly. It seemed smooth, flawless, easy while he had to spend so much time practicing to become this perfect...

"The same me from before is still here."

Where were you, Jiminie?

~few minutes later~

I was on my knees, he was just a few centimeters from me, so close it made my heart race faster and faster. I blushed, flustered by his closeness, but I also wanted to get even closer to him. His palm was on my cheek, his touch burning my skin, his other hand was lingering carefully around my waist, slowly stroking my thigh and leaning closer to me. He gulped, still hesitating. I could see the nervousness in his eyes, his shyness bringing a deep red blush to his cheeks.
I put my hand on his arm, grabbing his t- shirt, pulling him closer and closer until my nose almost touched his. He started breathing heavily and I felt his hot breath tickling the sensitive skin of my neck as he lowered his head for a second.
I kept looking into his eyes, his lips twitched, his sudden confidence that made him take the first step vanished into thin air, and now here he was, awkward, not knowing what to do. I knew this expression all too well-he didn't think he was good enough for me, for himself, for the whole world...

I wanted to set him free, make him happy again...

I leaned in, whispering into his ears.
"l want you, Jiminie." My voice was so quiet, almost as if I didn't even say it out loud, as if it was just a thought in my mind. He gulped again, his eyes were dark, staring into mine, trying to see if I was telling him the truth. His hands weren't shaking anymore, his grip around my thigh got stronger, more definite, while he was still caressing my face gently, loving.

"I want you too." He said in a low voice. It was another side of him, another side that I haven't got to see yet, it wasn't just love, I saw desire in his eyes, too. Desire that darkened his iris. The heat of his touch felt too intense, his fingers ran through my hair, before he kissed me.
My lips got swollen and red, but he just kept kissing me. Now I was the one shaking as l slowly took off his t- shirt,pressing small kisses on his neck, his shoulders, his chest, his flat tummy he was so self-conscious about.

The way he whispered into my ear, the way his body fit perfectly with mine, the way he kissed every inch of me it all seemed perfect, as if it was all meant to be. As he wrapped his arms around me and snuggled closer to me, I felt at ease, I felt happy...

But was he happy?

He showered me with affection and love, hinting small kisses all over my body. I smiled and seeing him smile melted my heart, but even like this I couldn't seem to forget about his lies....

"I love you" He suddenly said, but only a short moment later he seemed flustered, insecure how I'd react. It was heart wrenching, how he was still so unsure about himself or my feelings towards him.

"I love you too, Jiminie." I whispered with my lips almost on his.

Later on, he would tell me he loved me hundred times a day, often getting into an argument of who loved the other more.
Seeing him smile more and more again was good sign, but I still wasn't sure if I was able to help him as much I wanted to...

I couldn't pick up the shattered pieces. It was just like a dream... Except, that all of this wasn't a dream... It was a nightmare, a nightmare I couldn't seem to wake up from.

He was paralyzed by his fears, he lost his path and couldn't find his way back. Anxiety swallowed him, his lies trapped him.

"Noona, make it stop." His voice was barely audible, and still crystal clear in the silence of the room. His tear-filled eyes were begging. "Please save me."