Drowning In Secrets

18 years too old #1

I'm Elea and I'm not exactly what you would call normal.

When I was 8 I was on my way to a pack meeting to visit a new arising pack with my father.

Apparently they wanted to make a deal with us but I didn't know at age 8 because father said he wouldn't tell me until we got there.

No one else really knew either besides father. While we were on our way through the dark night there was a man standing in the middle of the road and you could see other men out in the forest surrounding the outer edges of the forest. My father swerved trying to avoid hitting him.

The car then flipped more times then I could count and each time shooting pain to different parts of my body then ended with us landing in a ditch. There was a smell of blood and death from what I can remember from that  night making me nauseous through the remembrance the pain.

I must have passed out from the pain because all I remember, I saw was men surrounding our car then it all went pitch black.

From what I know two months later I awoke in our pack hospital. The first thing I did was look for mother and father and to my "Joy" as a 8 year old I never did find either of them. I have never had a close relashonship with my mother, like most shewolf have with their daughters but her not being there at all those two months was completely heart breaking.

Later the doctor told me what exactly happend. I cried for days and even went mute for nearly year just out of hatred for myself.

Those horrible years passed by slowly. My wolf wasn't talking to me and that only put me in a deeper depression, something I wouldn't be ready for. My dad was the alpha and my mom was luna of the pack, they were very powerful and that made people afraid of them.

I was a normal wolf before everything happend I was cheerfuly happy with my life, I was mostly what you would call the popular girl and would usually get along with everyone.

My friends were everything after the accident they were everything that had kept me going after all I had went through.

When I had my first episode my wolf had nearly died and I was not far behind that day. With a miracle my heart started up again for no reason and just like that I was put back into the hospital for examinations on my health.

Being so close to dieing and nearly losing my wolf brought me into overwhelming darkness. When I was out of the hospital from the episode as I call it... I had already lost most my friends, They didn't want or couldn't  deal with my emotions.

The whole pack wanted me to be  rough and gone from the pack as if I was not worthy of my title. I didn't want that but I wanted to be away from all of this but, no matter what I want my mom said I can't leave until have a mate with my own pack.

She wants me to leave with my mate once we meet but little does she know that, that will never happen. I know she wants me to leave and lead my pack with my mate because when I was a little girl she would tell me the importances of having a mate.

Now Me and mother relationship was worse she stopped really talking to me because she lost her mate and my father. Most people said that the lost of a mate is the worst thing to happen in a wolf's life. Even though my mom knows he's not dead ...and hopefully just taken she still has to go living without him, My mother knows her own wolf will never be at peace.

I was responsible for most pack decisions. The responsibility was a lot and my free time was nonexistent. The pack hated me they said I was the reason for everything. They would verbily abuse me thinking that it would put an indent into me but really what they didn't know is that I already was empty with emotion and nothing they said would mater. My old self was dead.

I wished i was dead for so long. Each year the same heart problem would happen. Each time I lost more friends.

Once I turned 17 I had no one my mind was empty and all contact with my wolf was gone. She gave up.

The only thing that kept me going was the memory of my dad. I could care less about the people in the pack but I knew how much the pack meant to him.

I know that my mother (Delilah) should have took hold of the pack but she was in no state to do so. Her dicisions were full of hate and she didn't care, she was either always drunk or high.

She didn't care about her appearance  like she did before. I had become a cumstom to feeding her and taking care of her.

All of this was a lot to take on but I had to. Plus tomorrow I'm supposed to find my mate. Yeah that's supposed to be a good thing but to me it's the worst thing that could happen. Who would want me? A broken girl with family problems.

It probably wont happen because in order to find your mate you have to shift into a wolf for the first time but my wolf refuses to do anything or come through.

All I can hope for is I die before then. The doctor said after all I've had I'm not going to live for a long time and to me this some of the best news I could hear.

Since I have alpha blood in me there is a guarantee that he'll he a alpha or bata.

I hope I'll die before I see him I would hate to cause him pain. If his pack falls apart cause of me I would never forgive myself.

But as the one in charge of this pack I have to throw a party for all the people about to turn 18 and that includes me.

Every year there is one and since our pack is big all the smaller packs come hear. But only one bigger pack comes hear because the old alpha was friends with my dad.

This year I found out that he died and there was going to be a new alpha that will come to the ceremony.  Finding this out gave me no change it did nothing to me I was to broken and emotionless to care. But I know deep down it hurt. But I really didn't care who came I was going to die anyway.
Also ps. That day is day I should have a episode.

I planed the whole thing perfectly the way I know my mom would be proud. Even though I'm going to hate it don't mean others had to have a bad time. I told my bata whatever happend I wanted him to take over he was so happy. I had to pick him because i had no other siblings and they wanted more but my dad was gone before that could happen and she only can be impregnated by her mate.

When my das was gone we all felt the lose. He was a good alpha and dad. Sometimes I wonder if he was looking down at me right now would he be proud or disappointed.

So fare the pack is disappointed and over the years I've lost almost a fourth of the pack. They all left to other packs to have a good luna and alpha. I let them because I knew anyone could do better than what I'm doing.

I'm only a teenager but I have all  these responsibilities that I shouldn't. Everybody would be better without me.

Who could love someone when they cant love them selves.

My heart is off and on.

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Go follow me please and I hope you enjoy. I will edit the best I can.

Dont give up on my now there will be a big suprise in the next chapter.

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Just because she looked ripe didn't mean she was ready to be picked away from the tree yet.

Word count 1421