his fake boyfriend ➸ hyunin

twenty three

hyunjin sat on his bed, bottles of soju littered on the floor as he let out a sigh. it's been three days since jeongin left, three days since his life went kaput and there was one thing on his mind:

it was all his fault.

'i should've said something.'
'i should've told him how i felt.'
'i should've told him i loved him.'

he was an emotional drinker, per say. his emotions pour out when he gets a taste of alcohol.

all of the hidden emotions, all of the pent up frustration, all of which he had tried to keep to himself were released.

ever since he found out that jeongin packed his bags and left for busan, he had been the definition of a mess.

he's back to shutting everyone out, he's locked himself in his room with his soju and sentimental emo music.

it was a tragedy.

the song on his speaker changed, from bts' spring day to camila cabello's something's gotta give.

"tch." he said as he laid on his bed, his mind immediately bringing him back to his memories with jeongin. the fun times they had were crawling back.

his smile.

his laugh.

his cute flusterred expressions.

he wanted those back.

he could've had everything with the younger, too bad he didn't.

the first chorus went by and hyunjin felt another batch of tears about to cascade down his face and he let them fall.

it's like the only thing he's good at doing now.

crying.

he remembered the time he got sick and jeongin literally dropped everything to be by his side- with his cute nurse hat and first aid kit.

he remembered the look of concern in jeongin's face, his hand regularly feeling if he was still burning up or not.

he remembered that it was when he realized he liked him.

but he didn't do anything about it.

now it was killing him, no matter how hard he tried to convince himself otherwise.

when jeongin wasn't by his side he felt empty. he felt alone. he felt scared.

he could be having a great time with jeongin right now- but no, instead he was here, in his room, alone and crying like a lovesick teen.

curse camila cabello and her talent for bringing out raw emotion from people.

"it may be all pretend for you but it was all real to me! can't you see?! i fucking fell for you!" jeongin's words rang inside his head and hyunjin just broke down sobbing.

he wanted to tell him that's not true.

that it's not how he felt.

that he fell for him too.

love? was that the right word to describe all of this?

he remembered when they were just settling what they were supposed to do, he remembered the flustered expression jeongin had when he complimented him.