Sick Love

Morning :)

I laughed, the ticklish butterfly feeling filling my stomach. I tightened the grip on my phone and set it on the nightstand. Can't reply yet.
I quickly slipped into my clothes and looked at myself in the mirror.
Grimacing, every inch of my body looked flawed. Nothing about me or my shell looked good enough.
There was sagging in some places, some places looked way too tight. A mess.
A step closer to the mirror confirmed that everything had smeared when I put the clothes on. Everything was messed up and sloppy.
Nothing was in place.
Like me.

Things are better off without you.
All you ever do is burden other people.
You only ever think about yourself.
Think about everyone else,
they wish you were gone.
Everything would be so much easier.
No bills to pay, one less mouth to feed.
Everything about you is replaceable.
No one loves you.
You're only here because people feel bad.
Leave already.

I sighed. I trotted over to my closet and shifted through to find my cardigan to cover up the wrinkly jeans. My fingers grazed across a familiar sensation, a fabric that provided a bit of comfort.
A big sweater.  I put it on, warm ness enveloped me, like a hug.
Suddenly a bang, a loud echoing bang shot through my room.
Ah. The usual.
"You always take so fucking long, why can't you ever hurry up? Is all you think about your looks? I have work and I have to wait for your stupid ass to find clothes when you have a closet full. What the fuck is wrong with you?" A sputtering heated mess spat at me, every word shot through me like a bullet.
It didn't hurt as much though, the bullets passed through holes that were already there.

"I-I'm sorry." Was all that managed to leave me.
"This is why your father left. God." She spun on her heel and she was gone.
I was left by myself again.
The air in the room felt really thick, like freshly stirred gelatin before it set.
I waded through the air over to my nightstand and propped a few bottles of pills next to the lamp.
I took a few and watched the invisible gelatin give way.
I took my phone from the stand and let out a big breath.

Jen: 𝚈𝚎𝚊𝚑! 𝙸 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚠𝚘𝚔𝚎 𝚞𝚙 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞.

Luke: 𝙰𝚕𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝, 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚊 𝚐𝚘𝚘𝚍 𝚍𝚊𝚢.

A giddy grin spread across my face again and my fingers pattered against the screen like soft rain drops.

Jen: 𝙸 𝚑𝚘𝚙𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚊 𝚐𝚘𝚘𝚍 𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝚝𝚘𝚘, 𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚎 𝚒𝚜 𝚊𝚕𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚢 𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚢 𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝.

I slipped the phone in my back pocket.
Things were alright. Everything looked pretty great. Good morning to me!