We'll Be Okay Baby - A Justin Bieber Love Story - Book Two

Chapter Five - Would You Have His Eyes?

Chapter Five - Would You Have His Eyes?

(8) Small Bump by Ed Sheeran

Bonnie's P.O.V.

I have been at the hospital for the past three hours. Justin is holding my hand but he fell asleep long ago in his chair, his head on the side of the bed beside my leg. I tried getting some sleep too, but I can't. My mind is racing too much.

They told me that there was no trigger. That the baby just died, it wasn't strong enough. They also told me that it could have been due to the stress I went through in the early stages that meant it didn't have the right type of environment to develop properly, and it is the first stages that are the most important.

I have spent the last three hours thinking about how I feel about what has happened. On one hand I am relieved, there is no baby to worry about, me and Justin can just carry on with out lives. His career won't be affected and I can actually have a bit of a life before I become a mother. The pregnancy was a mistake from the beginning so I am glad that I no longer have to worry about it. On the other hand though, my heart aches for my baby that never got to be. No matter how much I didn't want it, it's not fair that it didn't get a chance to live. I wonder if it would have Justin's eyes, or his dimples.

Tears spring to my eyes once more and I snake a hand over my flat stomach. They told me my womb is going to clean itself out. That sounds so horrible. It almost feels like it was nothing, just a thing inside of me that had no worth. When it did, it was a little baby, mine and Justin's baby. And now it's dead.

Another thought came to me before, and the more I ponder it the more it bothers me. They told me that the baby could have died due to all the stress. What if this happens when I actually want to have children? Will I not be able to have children at all?

Another half hour passes before Justin stirs awake.

"Bonnie?" he whispers grogily, using the hand that isn't holding mine to rub his eyes.

"Yes?" I whisper back almost inaudibly.

"Did you get any sleep?" he asks now looking at me.

I shake my head, not trusting myself to speak.

I watch his eyes soften and he stands up slightly to place a kiss on my forehead, "he's in heaven now love, he'll be okay."

I just stare at him. A broken sob escapes my mouth before I speak, "how do you know it was a boy?"

He shrugs as his eyes gleam with fresh tears, "I just liked the idea of us having a boy at this age."

The tears cascade down my cheeks as I squeeze his hand. He joins in with my broken sobs and rests his head back onto the bed, stroking the back of my hand with his thumb.

"Justin?"

"Yeah?"

"What if this happens when we really want to have a child?"

He raises his head once more. His face has gone as pale as the wall behind him.

"What d'you mean?"

"What happens if I lose the baby to stress when we really want to have a child?"

"But you won't be stressed then, you will want to have the child with all your heart."

I close my eyes. Hearing it being said like that makes me realise how unfair I was being to the unborn child. Non of this was his fault.

"But it will still be the same situation. Paparazzi, fans, you going on tour" I look him in the eyes and add in a whisper, "I don't know if I can do it."