I got inside and there she was. Stretching as always. Looking good. I didnt even change I just went inside. No one else was there.
'Hey, yong.' I said very nervous 'Hey, how are you?' 'I'm fine...but can we talk? Like for real?' 'Yes, what's up? Did something happen?' The way she said that made me feel stupid. Am I the only one that couldn't stop thinking about that kiss? Didn't she care or did she forget-i mean how can you forget something like this? 'Sooo...about yesterday...do you remember anything about that night?' 'Not much to be honest' I didnt believe her. That's not possible. Or am I just crazy. wtf is happening? 'I'm just gonna tell you what happened, alright?' 'Ok...' she said skeptical 'So we went to Han River...and...you...kissed me.' I whispered at the end. 'Do you remember that?' She was shocked. She didnt say anything. 'But to be honest with you it's the only thing I could think about for the last hours. And now I dont know what to think or feel....because...I think....I'm..in...love with you'
I could just slap me so hard for saying that but my emotions took over. I didnt care what would happen tomorrow, I just want to know what she feels today. 'Please say something.' After a while of silence she said 'I have a boyfriend...'
That sentence broke my heart in a thousand pieces. You could hear my heart break from miles away. How can she say that? Why do I hate myself even more after that? My mind went blank. I couldn't hear what she said, I just saw her lips moving and her hands gesturing something. There was a aggressive ringing in my ears and I didnt know what to do.
I just ran. I ran outside the room, outside the building. I needed air. I needed to sort my thoughts and my feelings. I didnt think anything it. I felt like someone shot me. I was so aggressive and I didnt know how to process my feelings. I just went to the next best wall and let everything out. I just hit that wall with my fists.
'What the fuck was I thinking? I shouldn't have told her that. I'm so fucking stupid' I thought to myself. I just kept hitting that fucking wall until my hand turned red from all the blood. I looked down at my hands as blood was dripping on the ground and I just looked at what I had done to myself. My hands started shaking. I couldn't think. I was lost.
I lost my balance and tried to hold myself up on the wall. I just ended up sliding down the wall to the ground. The ground was cold but I didnt care. I didn't care at all about anything. I just wanted to end everything. I just needed to let everything out. She kept playing with my feelings over all these years and it showed that I kept everything inside me. Every single thing that somehow stressed me came up again and made me hate and question everything. As I hid my head between my arms I felt a grip on my shoulder that stopped me from hitting that wall again. It was her...
Sorry for not updating my lifes been a mess for the past few weeks with exams ,my social life everything. I kinda want a gf I mean who doesn't so that's a thing
What's also a thing, is that I started playing keyboard a few weeks ago and i love it so much. If you have the opportunity do it. I'm too broke for lessons so I'm watching YT vids.
Mamamoo snapped I love them so much
Is everything good in your life? I really hope so
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