Secrets of the mind

Life on standstill

I live my life on auto pause. "What the hell is that supposed to mean!?" You ask, Well I'll tell you: it's mainly my life stops when ever it likes, it's like I can't keep up with the time and my physical self wants to stop, but it can't so my mind gets all fucked up and scared because In those periods of time my mind CAN'T record time. My mind can't process the moving events in my life such as having a test when 20mins ago I was doing nothing. My mind can't process this so it I struggle with living and I can't.. Live right with my mind not being in the same time realm as my physically self. But this only happened occasionally probably once every two-three weeks. It usually lasted about 3-4 weeks. It use to last months and that's when seeing things and hearing things was at it's worst I would see so many things such as white flashes and cats and dogs I also would see demons and have bad flashbacks/ hallucinations. That would be the worst time of the year when I would have these phases. I wouldn't be able to function properly. Now they only last a few days to a week to two weeks at the most. They still are bad I had one last week,it lasted about a week or less and I usually am suicidal during this time, I'm very unstable during these phases.

I also have "episodes", times when my mind goes white and numb and I can't do anything but scream or not talk I also cry. It's mainly a time when voices are so bad and seeing things are unbearable, I have to let out the pain in any way I can, I usually have this when people are near me because people are the main fear I have, I can't seem to get over that fear , even having my best friends over I still get scared and voices talk to me most when people are near me. I usually have at lest one episode when in around new people, each time I see them. I never get use to them it will take years maybe even decades.

I can't function around humans. There scary there unpredictable there out to get me. I'm never safe, nowhere ,never!

"Don't go to sleep, don't blink, watch your back every second, don't let them see your weaknesses, don't let them find you, stay hidden, there out to get you. They poisoned you they want to kill you kill them before they get to you kill them ."

I will still will beat this no matter what it takes,I'm stronger than the people that took my life away and my mind.