You Are Not Invited To My Graduation

High School

My graduation for high school is in a couple of days i just wanted to let you know you will not be attending.My graduation is a very important day for me and for the last 4 years of high school you have done nothing but bring me down,mock me , constantly remind me how I will never be anything in life and how no one will ever love me and it's upsetting that throughout my 4 years of highschool I was constantly depressed and neglected. You dont know how many times I wanted to end my life because of all the horrible things you've said and done to me. You are constantly waiting on my down fall,you are constantly waiting for me to fail,you are constantly waiting to see me give up. As a parent you are supposed to support me you are never happy for me,If something good happens to or for me you are never happy for me I end up receiving a lecture about the negative side of the situation I never understood why I was constantly depressed and anti social but when i started putting the pieces together I realized you were the source of my pain not my happiness.I was so depressed and not once did you ask me if i was ok if there was anything that you could do for me. Ive learned how to be so non dependent in my life because of you, anyone that comes into my life I must immediately chase them out of my life because my mother does not approve.I am constantly lonely I have no one to talk to,I am so alone in this world that you brought me into. I'm not even sure i want to be in this world anymore.I have no reason to get up in the morning anymore because you are constantly knocking me down. I am constantly looking for ways to please you constantly looking for ways to make you happy even if I  am not happy  I will still do my best to please you and yet my good is still not good enough. Your biggest toxic trait is that you are a parent who like to holds grudges for no apparent reason If I do something  and months later ask you for something i need you take it as an opportunity to remind me  how much of a bad child I am and how I don't deserve anything in life.
I honestly do not know what I do to you to deserve this mistreatment constantly I am always getting punished by you.I try my hardest to show you that i can always do my get good grades keep up with my job but yet my best is still not the best for you. You've pushed me over the edge soo much that I honestly do not care about my life anymore. You will always have something more important than me i already understand that i am not your number one priority.that your school will always come before me.i am constantly getting yelled at for no reason literally.I am just so tired all the time you refuse to take me to work sometimes i miss work because of you. If i ask you to take me anywhere it is a problem I don't understand how I have a whole license and I am still not able to drive myself anywhere.I am 18  years olds and still getting treated like I have something to prove to you. I don't know if i am a prisoner trapped in this house. I don't know how to explain my feelings anymore.I am just so sad in this house.I don't even know if i want to be alive in 2019. I ended 2018 so sad and depressed. I dont know if i will ever be able to come out of this depression. I dont even know if I deserve to live in 2019 .I deserve a mother who actually cares about me because I've spent my entire life making you happy when all you did was judge me without caring for my feelings .You are always calling me fat even when I was skinny you called me fat and forced me into a deep depression thinking i was never good enough for anybody and that no one will ever love me all because you would constantly tell me everyday how I was never good enough. What kind of parent tells their child these cruel things?? I thought the parent was supposed to be kind and loving and not judgmental. Everything i have done. Honestly i have done it by myself i got my own permit by myself. i learned how to drive by myself without your help everything i have do it has been by myself .You think you are sooo perfect and that you make no mistakes you will believe anything anybody tells you before believing in your own child. You've told me soo much crap about me not being perfect such as
1). You make me sick
2).You will never be nothing
3). You are useless
4.) Prostitute
5).Pathetic

Just like my TSI test I told you that I passed and you still didnt believe me for that whole week you verbally abused me called me all sorts of names called me stupid every morning you constantly told me how useless I was you even told me I make you sick with no hesitation I was so heartbroken and you didn't even care and then when you found out that I passed you didn't even apologize with no hesitation or say I am sorry everytime you are proved wrong you never seem to realize that you were in the wrong. You are so quick to move on from your mistakes but when it comes to mine you hold it deep in your heart and  you don't realize how many painful words you've said to me but whenever I say something back I am immediately disrespectful and have no manners Everything I do I must negotiate with my mother I can never see eye with my own mother.Honestly enough is enough I've tried my best to see eye to eye with you.I dont have anyone else to turn to and you made sure of that. When times were rough for us I stuck by your side.Any battle you fought I was right there for you right next to you. If it was us against the world I would still stand by your side and not leave I wouldn't trade anything in the world for you Thats how much I love you Mom and you dont see it. You over look me like I am just a piece of trash in this world that will always remain trash and I don't deserve to be treated like that.This mistreatment will continue and will not stop there is no Change for you in your life and I am sorry you have a mindset that is stuck that way.  I know you will be reading this and taking this as a joke or seeing this as me mistreating you or me being disrespectful but No More of me being quiet
No More of me being the fool
No More bringing me down
No More continuing to want to please you
It is time to please myself and live my life to the fullest
Therefore you will not be attending my graduation I have had enough pain in my life from you.My graduation means so much to me it proves to myself that I DID IT. I went in this war alone and will be walking out alone a strong soldier. I did it I WILL BE GRADUATING  I know my dad is so proud of me for who I have become. I DID IT I GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL and I know as I continue to grow I will be accomplishing so many thing no matter how many obstacles and fear I have to surpass.I WILL ACHIEVE MY GOAL. Im sorry that you were my number one fan on my team but I am my number one fan,My biggest supporter,My own best friend end, My main focus and I know I can do great thing and no one can stop me