Welcome, dearies, to the spectacular, magnificent, hot and dark world of... Hell.
I am, as you might have guessed, the Devil - known also as Lucifer, Satan, the Dark One... I've been the "boss" of this land ever since I had the brilliant idea of asking your Lord a power mightier than his own... Since then, the caged souls "shelter" themselves from Heaven in my warm realm, regretting their wasted days of their short lives on their Earth.
As the humans have been continuing making progenies, I've needed help not only for bringing the damned here, but also making a laugh out of them during their lives. In this way have appeared Hopelessness, Disgust, Sadness, Anger, Depression, Anorexia, Craziness, and, to skip the boring part of this job (I gotta reckon), Death.
I can't stand dirty places, and my vast, burning, despicable underworld, which has black horizons, and concealed, dark sunsets that confound the day with the night, through which cursed rivers flow, reflecting an infinite ceiling, full of cadaveric smells, is always polished.
I believe you want to know what's on the other side? Or what happens with souls once they arrive in Heaven or Hell, in the Elysium or Tartarus? Can't remember what's up there, but here, during my watch - which lasts forever, mind you - , most of them get dreadful punishments: each of them is isolated in their own fears, with their regrets and guilt, more than anything being a psychological suffering, or sometimes purely physical (ostensible whipped flash, or even igniting). We'll talk about this when your time comes - be at peace, I only punish proportional to the graveness of the sin, so be an atheist, but not an asshole.
Now that I made an introduction by the book of the book, and you have no other questions, let us begin...
