Corrupt.

Part 4

Smudged lipstick and running mascara equal the cost of alone time in Peter's office, his trousers bunched around his knees as yours turn red from the friction and it's only the call that he has silenced three times already that leaves you to your own devices. It's stupid and risky to search for manual hints about the evidence they have against Arthur, talk of extending their holding time testing your boundaries as you find an investigation logbook that holds more details than anyone besides the leading officer should ever get to know.

Your fingers rub against the leather-bound pages, checking that you're clear of witnesses before flipping the front cover over - a picture of the family on Tommy's wedding day slipping out from its place to stare back at you. Barely pulled together from your earlier activities and a telling stain present against the curve of your bust, you avoid the judgement that you know will be in John's eyes by looking over the rest of the family instead. Esme is prettier than you imagined, Katie more like Ada than her mother, and your mind slips to wonder if your own children will one day look like yourself or their father, the blessing of the Shelby genes something you hope they will get to learn.

Guilt doesn't need to sneak up on you when it's always present but the stabbing in your chest feels like it will tear you apart as you punish yourself for imagining a normal family of your own. It's wrong for John to be the father you want your imaginary children to have when you do still love your husband despite the differences between you and yet being intimate with him had felt like such a betrayal to the part of your soul that would always belong to someone else. You're stuck between loving and being in love, the emotions making everything more complicated than it should and you know the time will come when you have to give someone up but that's not a choice you believe you're ready to face. Your fingers touch against John softly as you hold the photo and saying goodbye is something you can't imagine doing as tears fill in your eyes and it's only the door flying open that tears you away from that moment.

"Boss-" Michael's words die when he sees it's you, clearly not convinced by what his cousin has told him you're willing to do and you rush to hide the image in your hands. "Sorry miss, I just wanted to see the guv..."

"He won't be long, Henry," you change your face to reflect a smile, soft and sweet despite the storm inside and you give no indication of the side you're playing until you continue; "I think he needs to see you about the case as well."

"Ma'am," he tries to find the right words but you just shake your head, picking up the other files and leaving only the 'Shelby' press release on your husband's keyboard to indicate that you had been there.

"I should get back to work but it was nice seeing you, Mr Johnson. Give your mother my best."

----

Heart racing as you wait for him to appear you can't help the nervous fingers that pull up your last text exchange, double checking that you're at the right venue as the bartender laughs and tells you that any guy who even thinks about standing you up isn't worth the time. You thank him for his comment, eager to just fade into the crowd and you know the cut of your dress and the missing rings on your left hand must be making an impression of their own. Here before John, the businessmen around you act as a reminder of the establishment's reputation, a place that nobody would think to consider odd if it were to appear on his bank statement and you wonder if that's why he has chosen here, thinking more than you are about the risk of getting caught.

It had been reckless to text him, your contact name followed by the line of 'I need to see you' raising alarm bells to anyone who might have seen even before you had added the two kisses to its end. John hadn't questioned the message you had sworn yesterday wouldn't come, instead, he had sent you a preplaced reservation and a kiss of his own. Now you wonder if it was he who had changed his mind, decided the risk of getting caught in a sting wasn't worth the promise of time alone with you but before you can move to leave, a hand presses to your lower back and a mouth to the shell of your ear, "You look beautiful tonight."